While there might be 101 ways to die in the West, there are at least a million more ways to eat it in 2019. From new forms of technology that have no sympathy for our mortal shortcomings to the rise of mass shootings, it feels like the world we live in is growing more dangerous every year. Today we take a look back at a notoriously violent time in American history to witness 12 ways in which the Wild West was actually safer than America is right now.
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Doors Were Safer
We can't tell you how many videos we've seen of people getting crushed by revolving doors and falling gates. The only thing that was even remotely dangerous about saloon doors were the men waiting on the other side.
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Car Accidents
Nearly 40,000 people died in car accidents last year. Compare that to the frontier days when the only souls hurt while traveling were drunk men attempting to mount their horse.
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Nukes
Kim Jong-un's great-great-grandfather had a very limited arsenal and could only threaten other nations by loudly clapping his hands and clucking like chicken.
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STDs
Sexually transmitted predicaments were mere pedestrian ailments that could easily be treated with a trip to the doctor or a bottle of moonshine.
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Pollution
The saloon outhouse was about the worst things ever got.
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Trump Talk
No one would have fallen for Trump's snake oil circus barking. The man, having no earthly talents, would have wound up shoveling manure for a cattle rancher in Nebraska.
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Opioid Usage
Opioids were mostly for sad sailors and book reading city folk in New York. More of a pastime than a crisis.
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Twitter Shame
Back in those days, it took a lot to tarnish someone's reputation. Most people didn't even care if you robbed a train. Nowadays, if you wear a funny hat and sing like a dingus, you're toast.
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Jeff Bezos
We're not sure exactly how yet, but the man is terrifying.
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AI
Say hello to our future overlords, a concern that hadn't even been conceptualized back in the dog and pony days of yore.
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Drones
In the age of cowboys, the only thing you had to worry about attacking you from the sky was bird shit.
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Gun Violence
No matter how crazy shootouts got, after a few rounds, everyone would run out of bullets.
