Meanwhile in Florida: Man Arrested For Masturbating Inside Starbucks (Extra Cream) We'll take our coffee black from here on out, thanks.
Harvey Weinstein Caught Smuggling Milk Duds Into Prison (We Smell Sex and Candy in Here) Harvey Weinstein has a criminal sweet tooth.
Meanwhile in Tennessee: Woman Exchanges Sex With 9 Students For Vape Pens, Vaping Somehow Has Worse Reputation Now Vaping somehow just got worse.
Meanwhile In Chicago: Mom of Train Robbery Suspect Drags Her Boy to Police Station, How Embarrassing Next time, just steal a few bucks from your mom's purse like a normal person.
Who Wants to Marry a Murderer? New Fox Series Follows Inmates in Love (With Nancy Grace as Your Boner-Killing Host) We'd kill to see this.
Meanwhile in Louisiana: Teacher Who Fed Students Semen-Laced Cupcakes Sentenced to 41 Years, Not Likely Allowed to Work the Cafeteria Think twice before you accept homemade treats, kids.
Meanwhile in Florida: Mom Shares Meth With Teenage Son to Calm Him Down (Mother Doesn’t Know Best, Apparently) Haven't you ever heard of weed?
Meanwhile in Florida: Meth-Smuggling Granny Is Prison’s New Heisenberg, Finally a New Spinoff For ‘Breaking Bad’ Franchise What's on the menu today, Granny?
Meanwhile in New York: Fake Cops Arrest Coke Dealer, Run Into Real Cops in Lobby (Whoopsidaisy) Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do?
Meanwhile in Kansas: 42-Year-Old Mom Accused of Joining ISIS Only to Lead Group of Female Fighters, So Like Super Karen This is one mom you don't want to piss off.