Meanwhile in Florida: Man Arrested For Masturbating Inside Starbucks (Extra Cream) We'll take our coffee black from here on out, thanks.
Meanwhile in Tennessee: Woman Exchanges Sex With 9 Students For Vape Pens, Vaping Somehow Has Worse Reputation Now Vaping somehow just got worse.
Meanwhile In Chicago: Mom of Train Robbery Suspect Drags Her Boy to Police Station, How Embarrassing Next time, just steal a few bucks from your mom's purse like a normal person.
Who Wants to Marry a Murderer? New Fox Series Follows Inmates in Love (With Nancy Grace as Your Boner-Killing Host) We'd kill to see this.
Meanwhile in Louisiana: Teacher Who Fed Students Semen-Laced Cupcakes Sentenced to 41 Years, Not Likely Allowed to Work the Cafeteria Think twice before you accept homemade treats, kids.
Meanwhile in Florida: Mom Shares Meth With Teenage Son to Calm Him Down (Mother Doesn’t Know Best, Apparently) Haven't you ever heard of weed?
Meanwhile in Florida: Meth-Smuggling Granny Is Prison’s New Heisenberg, Finally a New Spinoff For ‘Breaking Bad’ Franchise What's on the menu today, Granny?
Meanwhile in New York: Fake Cops Arrest Coke Dealer, Run Into Real Cops in Lobby (Whoopsidaisy) Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do?
Meanwhile in Kansas: 42-Year-Old Mom Accused of Joining ISIS Only to Lead Group of Female Fighters, So Like Super Karen This is one mom you don't want to piss off.
Breaking: High-Speed Motorcycle Police Pursuit Shockingly Ends Badly in LA (Disturbing Video) Don’t try this at home, kids…unless you have a death wish.