Header Photo: Bethany Clarke (Getty) / Alec Vercher (Twitter)
Another week, another batch of the funniest tweets collected for your viewing pleasure. Give them a read, and remember to follow these fine folks on Twitter. They’re not just putting their hilarious thoughts out there for their health, after all. Plus, if you’re just going to wind up repeating these jokes to your friends later and passing them off as your own, the least you can do is throw a little admiration their way. It’s only fair.
Follow @robfee on Twitter.
Funny Tweets 7-28-17
It’s OK if you’re older and hate millennials that’s fine but next time you can’t figure out how to print a word doc DONT ASK ME CAROL
— loni del rey (@LoniBryantt) July 17, 2017
wife: I am having an affair
me: *handing menu back to waiter* I’ll have the affair as well
— y.a.b.k.a.t (@ohen39) July 20, 2017
Me, debating: Your logic is flawed! The multiplicative inverse of zero can’t be one!
Customer: Excuse me?
Me: Sorry, footlong or 6″?
— Mischievous Mike (@mstern68) July 26, 2017
When you get carried away pulling off that little piece of skin off your finger pic.twitter.com/doRAHLECsK
— JAMEER (@TRAPTASTlCAL) July 19, 2017
A free t-shirt can motivate me to do basically anything
— Alec Vercher (@alec_vercher) July 11, 2017
(angrily throws down $15 in Kohl’s cash on table) this date is over
— chuuch (@ch000ch) July 22, 2017
The best possible use for tinder pic.twitter.com/bYs49yEds6
— Maggie Archer (@maggiearch3r) March 22, 2017
This is the best video ever pic.twitter.com/K065H6RJfQ
— Keith (@lad) July 20, 2017
me: hi-
cosmopolitan: stick a finger in his ass— i love my goth wife (@mrdaddymanphd) July 16, 2017
OMFG! THIS MONSTER HAS HAD PIKACHU MADE INTO A HANDBAG! pic.twitter.com/J1L8BbIoJv
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) July 18, 2017
Chance the Rapper: *sneezes*
Me: Wow he’s so humble, he really cares about Chicago. That wasn’t as good as acid rap but still really good— Colin (@colinag5) December 23, 2016
i have two moods pic.twitter.com/2hvk5vgE26
— harriet pudney (@lqpharriet) July 18, 2017
Me on twitter 2014: lol what if men had swords for dicks
Me on twitter 2017: let’s dismantle the govt & burn down Washington, in a funny way— skepanie, a cat (@goodhairperson) July 26, 2017
When the GIF frames per second match your leg speed. pic.twitter.com/dB6IVnU8mp
— Dick King-Smith HQ (@DickKingSmith) July 18, 2017
my future son will charge him $35 a gram https://t.co/LgVN2AYbuT
— yal got ad libs (@heIIadead) July 12, 2017
掃除機で危険なテーブルクロス引き pic.twitter.com/OlyAQTNw1z
— ウエスP (@uespiiiiii) July 1, 2017
How the fuck he gone see this? https://t.co/ysQrFNvITW
— HATEUHOES™ (@fvckdonnie) July 13, 2017
when you watching tv at night an a commercial comes on loud af pic.twitter.com/LIteNnGTS9
— Marcus (@BlvckGrip) July 15, 2017
How the fuck u count bees fake news https://t.co/7be6jfZEwr
— Dan (@Dan_Curtin) July 19, 2017
God: where’s your horn
Unicorn: i sold it for drugs
God: throw this fucken horse in jail–the invention of zebras
— Fro Vo (@fro_vo) June 29, 2017
