Being single in this day and age is no easy feat. Sure, there are plenty of fish in the sea and highly advanced nets designed to catch them, but what happens after that? How do you keep your fish happy? How do you know this particular fish is right for you? When will you know that your fish likes you back? (Yes, we know it’s impolite to talk about women like they’re fish, but we didn’t create the metaphor.) These 10 superpowers for the single man will help you navigate the villainously rough waters of dating in the 21st century. Because give a man a fish and he eats for a day, teach a man to fish…you get it.
Cover Photo: Robert Daly (Getty Images)
Singular experience: Honest Timeline: Your First Tinder Dating Experience
You got this: 11 Smooth Moves Guaranteed To Tank A First Date
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single superhero powers
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Knowing Exactly What To Say
Courtship is a mental sport that involves high levels of communication. Using words to woo your potential date is a must. If you only knew exactly what to say (and what not to say) you could enjoy a bountiful single life akin to pre-marriage Tony Stark.
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A Wayne Enterprises Treasury
Taking a girl out for a night on the town can be a fun way to spend all your money. Counteract the draining expense of cabs, dinners, drinks, entertainment, and more by becoming an heir to a massive fortune or planting a money tree.
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Professor EX Mastery
It can be awkward to bump into a former flame that you said you would call but never did. If you’re an avid mingler who’s hitting the dating scene hard, you’ll likely have a run-in from time to time. Use your kindly charms to disarm any mounting tension, then admit you were an ass to mitigate any hard feelings.
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Seeing Into The Future Of The Relationship
How awesome would it be if you could glimpse the pros and cons of your budding romance? You could see beyond red flags right into the heart of a match made in heaven.
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Shapeshifting To Become Whatever Type Of Dude She Wants You To Be
Finding a life mate is all about being yourself, loud and clear. But being single and jumping on the scene like a James Brown lyric is all about (constantly) putting your best foot forward and letting others project their desires onto you. Because every fish is different, the ability to transform into whatever bait works best will help with your catch of the day. They don't call you "Stretch" for nothing.
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Spider-Sensing What She Likes In Bed
Believe it or not, you can strengthen the sixth sense called love. Tapping into your preternatural and highly-attuned listening abilities will turn you into an ultra-high frequency radio tower with max bandwidth. You'll be picking up whatever transmission she's putting down faster than the speed of sound.
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Driving A Cool Car
It's totally lame, but a cool car activates some small part of the brain that likes status symbols. Plus, when you tell her you'll pick her up at 8 p.m., she won't be super stoked when you show up on an electric scooter. A cool car is an essential accoutrement to your single superpowers arsenal.
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Scoring Last-Minute Dinner Reservations
When the bridge and tunnel crowd descends, it can be near impossible to score a table at that romantic hot spot around the corner. The ability to produce last-minute results is pretty swoon-inducing.
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Reading The (Bruce) Banner That Says She’s Not That Into You
Sadly, even superpowers can't always win the day. Knowing when to fold them is an essential (and not always as obvious as it seems) skill. If she’s just not that into you but is too polite to kick you out of her Lyft, you want to be keen enough to read the writing on the wall and respectfully bail before you make an ass of yourself.
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A Super Cute Sidekick Dog
Um, not only will this furry friend allow you to tap into the dog park set, every single person on the planet loves a cute dog. And on those lonely nights when your fishing net comes up empty, little Bruno will be there to cuddle on the couch and watch Documentary Now until you both pass out under a blanket of pizza.
