It may seem like a no-brainer that watching the Super Bowl in person is the best way to see the game. (Why else would a single nosebleed ticket cost $5,000 minimum?) But sometimes the truth, like our belly button after a game day feast, is not so easy to see.
Since only 0.06 of us will actually be watching the game in person, it’s easy to believe the myth that we’re missing out. Like the time we skipped prom only to find out later everyone got laid. But even though we won’t be paying for the pleasure of in-person bragging rights, we’re not going to get emotional. After all, how different can it be really? We can still make irresponsible bets we know nothing about while getting sick on pizza halfway through the third quarter.
That said, clearly, there is a big difference between watching the Super Bowl at home versus going in person. And using our team of game day analysts, we’ve put together a scoring system to determine the best way to feast your eyes on the great gridiron at SoFi Stadium. And the results may surprise you. While we can’t tell you who’s going to win the game (the Rams), we can tell you who’ll win Mandatory’s ultimate game-day viewing experience in five, four, three, two…
Cover Photo: Deagreez (Getty Images)
Face it. Where else can you watch championship football without pants on and not get arrested? It’s pure mathematics people.
Overall Winner: Watching From Home
Home Super Bowl v In Person 2022
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The Action
When it comes to in-your-face action, nothing beats shuffling into a stadium with a herd of half-drunk humans, sweaty from the afternoon heat. Sure, buying a Super Bowl ticket means you can no longer pay for your parent's funeral. But dad would have agreed, losing your teeth in a televised stadium brawl is priceless.
Winner: Going to the Game
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Food Options
Don't get us wrong, overpriced hotdogs that look like burnt Slim Jims are awesome. And SoFi is famous for having food that looks like it crawled straight out of the trash. But can it compare to your endless at-home offerings? From Aunt Gina's baked ziti to hot wings from your favorite bar, no one can customize your game day binge-eating experience like yours truly. Did someone say fondue and donuts?
Winner: Watching From Home
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Booze
SoFi has some quality brew on tap, including Three Weavers and Elysian Brew Co. But do they have sparkling orange wine in a box? Or spoilt milk that we bought three years ago and forgot about? We don't think so.
Winner: Watching From Home
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Bathroom Line
Who doesn't love missing half the game to go pissing in a trough with a bunch of strangers?
Winner: Watching From Home
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Odds of Meeting A Cheerleader
Unless your neighbor's cousin's friend is secretly a Laker Girl, the chances of meeting a cheerleader from the confines of your home are zero. Although, according to our calculations, the odds of meeting a cheerleader at the actual Super Bowl are 0.000015.
Exactly. So we're saying there's a chance.
Winner: Going to the Game
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Halftime Escape Routes
When the halftime show inevitably starts to feel like a bad acid trip at Disneyland, spectators have nowhere to run and hide. At least at home, when the nightmare on your TV begins to unfold, you can press pause and walk into your bedroom to hug your pillow.
Winner: Watching From Home
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The Commercials
The last time we went to the Bowl, they didn't play a single commercial on the Jumbotron. We had to go home and watch them on YouTube. What a gyp.
Winner: Watching From Home
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Comfort
Die-hard fans often feel right at home crammed into a plastic bucket seat raked at a dizzying angle high above the earth. Likewise, they also crave the unconventional intimacy that comes from pressing their flesh into thousands of unknown persons. For the rest of us who've spent years perfectly molding our couches to the shape of our body, there's no place like home.
Winner: Watching From Home
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Cost
From a strict accounting point of view, plunking ten grand on a pair of tix is the investment equivalent of making a vanity rap album. Whereas, charging all your friends $20 to park on your street is quite a lucrative endeavor. Who knew?
Winner: Watching From Home
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After The Game
To be honest, not even running an ultra-marathon gets us as fatigued as Super Bowl Sunday. Seriously, by the time the MVP speech is done and the keg is drained, we've got nothing left to give. That's why the thought of navigating SoFi's post-game parking lot sounds like a nightmare of epic proportions. Plus, when we're so sloshed we can't even find our coke bag, there's no way we're finding our keys.
Winner: Watching From Home
