While there exist many terrible people in government these days, there’s truly no bigger boil than Ted Cruz. One might say that if Covid had a face and personality, it would be his. We could literally spend all day pontificating on everything that’s wrong with the Texas senator and why anyone could vote for him, even Texans. But then it would turn into a Fast and Furious franchise with virtually no end in sight.
Sure, former President Donald Trump was a pretty grotesque human being, but at least he never claimed to be a human. Cruz, on the other hand, goes out of his way to try and do actual human things. However, it’s safe to say that Cruz has followed in Donald Trump’s slime trail and become a full-time internet troll. It’s not like the Republican senator has any important work to do, right?
Cruz is now pretty much most known for abandoning his Texas constituents during an unusual deep freeze in Texas last winter while he snuck off to the warm temps of Cancun. That’s certainly an act worthy of being shot out of a cannon into a pile of fire ants. But lucky for Ted, the GOP has very low standards and the entire party’s agenda is simply “owning the libs.” So given the absolute monstrosity that is Senator Cruz, we here at Mandatory decided to come up with a guide to what to do if ever stuck in an elevator with him.
Cover Photo: Drew Angerer / Staff (Getty Images)
stuck in elevator with ted cruz
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1. Lie About His Beard Looking Good
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2. Ask Him What it Was Like to Be in 'The Munsters'
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3. Ask Him if He Plans to Escape to Cancun Again
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4. Ask Him Why He Hates Big Bird
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5. Ask Him if He's the Zodiac Killer