In order to be a successful Republican politician these days, you have to abide (religiously) by a very simple script: deny science and facts despite overwhelming evidence, promote debunked conspiracies, spread hatred and intolerance of LGBT people, bash immigrants, ignore the cause of school shootings and simp for the NRA, and deny and undermine democratic elections. Sure, the Democratic party has its own problems and is by no means perfect, but Republicans have lost their ever-loving minds. The leader of this B-horror circus is none other than Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA).
For the uninitiated, Greene only came into office in 2020 after essentially scaring off her then-Democratic opponent and running unopposed. Ever since usurping office, she has promoted far-right, white supremacist, and antisemitic conspiracy theories including the white genocide conspiracy theory, QAnon, and Pizzagate. Before running for Congress, she advocated for executing prominent Democratic politicians. As a Congresswoman, she equated the Democratic Party with Nazis and compared COVID-19 safety measures to the persecution of Jews during the Holocaust. As a result of this mindless wacko’s rants, she’s been booted off Twitter.
But the height of her laughable nonsense came when she blamed Jewish space lasers for wildfires in California. But since this woman has dysentery of the mouth and simply can’t discover a brain cell in that massive gourd of hers, she most recently claimed that Bill Gates is going to replace meat in a (hold your laughs) peach tree dish.
Marjorie Taylor Greene thinks fake meat is grown in a “peach tree dish.” A new level of derp. pic.twitter.com/MW9NXkBvl4
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) May 30, 2022
She’s truly insane and shouldn’t be allowed within 100 yards of Congress nonetheless be a part of it. So can you imagine what it might be like to be stuck in an elevator with Marjorie Taylor Greene? We can. And we’re here to get you through it.
Cover Photo: Win McNamee / Staff (Getty Images)
Stuck in an Elevator With Marjorie Taylor Greene
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1. Tell Her She Doesn't Look Like a Geico Caveman
It's bad enough you're trapped in an elevator with one of the worst people on the planet, so try to make the time pass smoothly by not telling MTG she looks like one of the Geico cavemen.
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2. Fashion Her a Tin Foil Cap
There's just no way that elevator broke down due to shoddy maintenance. No, something bigger is at play. Could it be Bill Gates and that 5G doing it? Well, offer MTG a nice tin foil cap.
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3. Blame Joe Biden For the Rainy Weather
In the event that either you or Marjorie came out of a torrential downfall, make sure to blame it on President Biden. She'll give you a job on the spot.
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4. Ask Her If She Can Shoot You Guys Out
MTG loves guns! She loves them more than school children. So be sure to ask her if she happens to be carrying an AR-15 to blast your way out of the elevator.
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5. Offer Her a Shot of Ivermectin
If there's anything that MTG hates more than facts, integrity and helping her constituents, it's vaccines. Anti-vax Trumpers feel that horse dewormer is the best way to stave off Covid, according to Dr. Joe Rogan. So be sure to offer her some if you've got it.
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6. Call the Gazpacho Police
Marjorie Taylor Greene says a a lot of stupid crap. In fact, she says so much stupid crap that we sometimes forget it all. Her greatest hit was when she ranted about the “gazpacho police” patrolling the Capitol building in Washington, D.C.
Greene apparently confused the cold Spanish soup gazpacho with the Gestapo – the brutal Nazi-era secret police in Germany. That's a mistake we all make, right?
So maybe offer to call the gazpacho police to get you guys out of the elevator.
