Cringe-worthy movie lines aren’t hard to come by. Michael Bay alone has provided us with hundreds through the years. And while his movies could fill a list such as this on their own, we’ll save that for another day. The typical bad one-liner usually comes down to one of three things: bad writing, bad delivery, or the dreaded combination of both. Even the most mundane lines (“I’ll be back”) can become classics if said just right, while some of the cheesiest on paper (“Yippee-ki-yay, motherf**ker”) can be pulled off under the proper circumstances. But when either are off, you end up with these offenders–the 30 worst one-liners in movie history.
BAD WRITING:
1. “It’s turkey time. Gobble gobble.” –Gigli (2003)
It’s hard to believe Affleck recovered from being in this film.
2. “Did you just waltz in here and bark at your commanding officer? If so, I regard that as a bona fide brain fart. And I resent it when people FART inside my office.” –G.I. Jane (1997)
When it comes to trying to make a line work while also being intimidating, peppering in the word “fart” multiple times isn’t a great idea.
3. “You SACK OF WINE!” –Troy (2004)
Speaking of lines meant to be intimidating, even one of the best actors around couldn’t do much with this one. Who knew farts and wine went hand in hand?
4. “Kenner, just in case we get killed, I wanted to tell you: you have the biggest dick I’ve ever seen on a man.” –Showdown in Little Tokyo (1991)
On a man, sure.
5. “Okay, cocksucker. Fuck with me, and we’ll see who shits on the sidewalk.” –Death Race (2008)
Deliver this line any way you like. There’s absolutely zero chance it’s going to land.
6. “I hate to break it to ya, but it’s not gonna be an open casket.” –Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013)
Always leave ’em wanting their money back.
7. “Pain don’t hurt.” –Road House (1989)
Umm, what?
8. “I thought Christmas only comes once a year.” –The World is Not Enough (1999)
You can turn pretty much anything into sexual innuendo, but that doesn’t mean you should.
9. “Dude, I’d eat the peanuts out of her shit.” –2001 Maniacs (2005)
Okay, almost anything.
10. “I’m gone. Long gone. Like a turkey in the corn…Gobble, gobble gobble.” –Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me (1992)
Another turkey quote. We’ve clearly lost control of the situation here. Moving on.
BAD DELIVERY:
11. “Coming…to a decision.” –Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (1991)
And we thought Disney liked to get subliminal.
12. “Put the bunny back in the box.” –Con Air (1997)
Did you expect to not have a Nicolas Cage line in here?
13. “While you were still learning how to SPELL YOUR NAME, I was being trained to CONQUER GALAXIES!” –Battlefield Earth (2000)
But let’s face it, for every horrible Nic Cage delivery, there’s an equal if not worse Travolta gem.
14. “Bodhi, this is your fuckin’ wake up call, man! I am an F. B. I. agent!” –Point Break (1991)
Not very alarming for a wake up call. Not very anything, actually.
15. “Whoa, what is going on?” –Twilight (2008)
The best way to follow up a poorly delivered Keanu Reeves line is with an even more poorly delivered line from the female Keanu, Kristen Stewart.
16. “You betrayed the law!”/”LAAAW!” –Judge Dredd (1995)
This is kind of a two-for-one. Sly Stallone is no stranger to a poorly delivered line, but the guy he’s yelling at certainly gives him a run for his money.
17. “Oh man! Oh God, oh man! Oh God, oh man! Oh God, oh man! Oh God, oh man! Oh God!” –Tough Guys Don’t Dance (1987)
Something tells us the screenwriter of this film didn’t write “Oh God, oh man!” fifty times, so this one falls solely on delivery. Can’t blame him for trying to own it, though.
18. “Too bad YOU will DIE.” –Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997)
We’d say it takes talent to mess up five words so badly, but honestly, YOU just have to STRESS random WORDS.
19. “Is it still raining? I hadn’t noticed.” –Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994)
Is she still acting? We hadn’t noticed.
20. “Happy, the gold jacket’s yours! Shooter’s gonna choke!” –Happy Gilmore (1996)
We just assumed “shoes, collar, choke” was some sort of golfing terminology for the longest time. (Side note: Watch him look around at the end like, “Nailed it.”)
A BIT OF BOTH:
21. “I did not hit her, it’s not true! It’s bullshit! I did not hit her! I did nawwwt. [throws water bottle] Oh hi, Mark.” –The Room (2003)
We gotta hand it to Tommy Wiseau; the dude’s got range. In fact, you could say he’s all over the place.
22. “You know, I’m really wired. What do you say I take you home and eat your pussy.” –Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (2002)
This movie could learn a thing or two from the writing and delivery in a porno flick. Or maybe it’s the other way around.
23. “Pancakes!” –Cabin Fever (2002)
Some one-liners are so bad, only one word is required.
24. “They’re eating her. And then they’re going to eat me. OH MY GOOOOOD!” –Troll 2 (1990)
Anybody else having a hard time following this complicated plot?
25. “Garbage day!” –Silent Night, Deadly Night: Part 2 (1987)
You can say that again. Actually, no, please don’t.
26. “Flash, I love you! But we only have 14 hours to save the Earth.” –Flash Gordon (1980)
Perfect timing.
27. “No, I’m just…the postman.” –The Postman (1997)
**begins the slow clap**
28. “I’m the Juggernaut, BITCH!” –X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)
‘Nuff said.
29. “Semper fi, motherfucker.” –Doom (2005)
Also known as “Always faithful, motherfucker,” delivered with the subtlety only a pro wrestler could pull off.
30. “What killed the dinosaurs? The ICE Age!” –Batman & Robin (1997)
For the sake of this list, we had to pick ONE, but we went ahead and provided you with all of them anyways. Play us out, Arnie.
