We Tried Our Best To Summarize The Taylor Swift/Kim Kardashian Spat

If you’ve been on the internet this week, there’s a good chance you’ve come across what seems like hundreds of stories discussing details regarding this gladiator-esque spat between two of pop culture’s biggest players: Taylor Swift and Kim Kardashian.

But you don’t give a sh*t, do you? We know this, but have offered you this helpful summary to keep you informed when the women in your lives have their say on the matter. So to keep you up to date on this catfight, I’ve cut out the nonsense and provided a male-friendly guide to keep you informed when the inevitable conversation about this climactic feud arises.

Phase One:
With the release of Kanye West’s latest album, “The Life of Pablo,” it was up for debate whether West procured Swift’s permission to use the following lyrics in his track “Famous”:

“For all my Southside niggas that know me best
I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex
Why? I made that bitch famous.”

West then further ruffled Swift’s feathers when the music video for the song depicted a naked Swift sleeping next to West after what appeared to be the aftermath of an A-list orgy. Other celebrities depicted were: Chris Brown, Amber Rose, Bill Cosby, Donald Trump and so on.

Taylor’s reaction to the video was just. She was — according to a report — “furious.” The report was punctuated with the threat: “She’s strategizing with her team as to what her next move should be.”

Phase Two:
However, the threat was empty. Swift did nothing. But Kim did, because of course she did. On last Sunday’s episode of “Keeping up with The Kardashians,” Kim insists Kanye was honest in following up with Swift and that Taylor was looking for “another way to play the victim.”

With Swift’s squeaky clean persona, fans were reluctant to believe Kim and Kanye, who are no strangers to controversy, and felt bad for sweet-as-pie Taylor Swift.

But then Kim dropped a BOMB on Snapchat. She released the recorded phone call of Swift giving Kanye permission to use her name and likeness in the song.

Here are some of the damaging excerpts:

Kanye: “All I give a fuck about is just you as a person and as a friend, I want things that make you feel good. “

Taylor: “That’s sweet.”

Kanye: “I don’t want to do rap that makes people feel bad.”

Taylor: “I mean go with whatever line you think is better. It’s obviously very tongue in cheek either way. And I really appreciate you telling me about it, that’s really nice.”

Kanye: “I just had a responsibility to you as a friend you know, and I mean thanks for being like so cool about it.”

Taylor: “Aw thanks. I really appreciate it. Even asking or seeing if I would be okay with it and I just really appreciate it. Like I would never expect you to like tell me about a line in one of your songs.”

Boom. Roasted. Taylor’s a liar.

Phase Three:
Then the peanut gallery chimed in.

Like Chris Brown, who had this to say in the very public forum that is Taylor Swift’s Instagram:

And Chloe Grace Moretz, who offered this highbrow remark addressing “everyone in the industry” which was clearly directed toward Taylor and Kim’s feud:

Rushing to the side of her family, Khloe Kardashian posted this NSFW image in response:

Thus sparking another celebrity squabble. One that I won’t further address, because it kind of ends there. For now.

Phase Four:
But the question remains: Can Taylor sue for being recorded? Sources claim Swift had NO idea West had her on speaker and recorded the call. As such, she believes Kanye had a legal duty to ask permission to record her, and by not doing so he violated the criminal law. According to these same sources, Taylor is still deciding whether she’ll file a police report.

Taylor’s camp is also saying the call between her and West lasted an hour and that Kim was very selective in what she posted. Taylor wants the entire conversation released, because she wants everyone to hear that Kanye never said he’d call her a “bitch” in the song. In this call, West also promises to send her an advance copy of the song, which he did not do.

So there you have it, folks. This whole ordeal is over Taylor Swift being called a bitch. That’s it. But this shouldn’t come as a surprise, as Swift is known to be very easily offended. Grow up, Taylor, you’re famous and these things happen. Go cry into your piles of money.

And Kanye: you’re still a dick.