Photo: Reddit
Boy, did I bite the bullet for you guys on this one. Seriously, I took a huge one for the team here. I can’t even begin to quantify the damage I’ve done to my soul while compiling the horrifying list below, just for you guys. All I know is that my innocence is officially lost, so I hope you all appreciate that. But what did I expect to find while searching the dankest depths of disturbing Reddit, looking for the most disturbing threads?
As it turns out, I’m now officially disturbed. Because if it’s out there, it’s apparently on Reddit. And there’s a lot of creepy shit out there, “shit” often being the operative word. It turns out people have very strange things to share about not just fecal matter, but everything from sister f–king to butt sniffing to ball smacking. That’s not to mention all the highly-illegal stuff that folks apparently like to share. It’s simply horrifying.
Believe me, you’re better off not knowing this stuff exists. Heed my warning. Let me take the fall on this one, fellas. I’ve already jumped on this grenade. However, if you simply must know the truth, you’ve been forewarned, for below are the 10 most disturbing Reddit threads.
The 10 Most Disturbing Reddit Threads
We’re SO Disgusting
frightened couple watching a horror movie. Photo: andreusK (Getty).
How’s this for a disturbing thread title: “Couples of Reddit: What is something really disgusting/unusual that your SO (significant other) does, but you find it endearing?”
Nothing good can come from exploring the more than 6,000 comments on the crazy stuff people find cute about their significant others — like a hot balls problem, a nose tonguer, and so much poop — all of which compels one to figure that people actually get grosser when they get together. Apparently, all this time I’ve been doing it wrong, and saving my most deplorable moments just for myself. I can’t wait to start showing my wife what I learned in this thread. She’s gonna love me even more!
No, You’re So Disgusting
Studio Shot Of Young Woman Picking Nose. Photo: Gili Gordon / EyeEm (Getty).
Remember all that stuff I was saying about being more disgusting together? Well, I lied. There’s no way couples could be more disgusting than the degenerates posting in the “How disgusting are you?” thread. Sure, everyone scratches their butt and smells their fingers afterwards — that’s just science — but growing mold as a pet, hoarding one’s pee, and eating one’s scabs are all things that usually prevent people from coupling.
Your Friends Are Likely Degenerates, Too
Photo: United Artists/Archive Photos (Getty).
Ever humped an open wound? No? Me either. Nor have I ever imagined such a horrible idea could be thought up, until I came across the frightening “What is the most disturbing story you’ve ever heard about one of your friends?” thread. Obviously, there’s a great deal of hearsay involved, but whether any of these horrendous things are true or not matters little, because someone was disturbed enough to at least write it down for all to comment upon. And the comments are even more foul. Pinacle of disturbing Reddit.
Everybody’s Grossest Made-Up Sex Toy
Pretty woman lying in bed and enjoying in passionate pleasure. Photo: miljko (Getty).
I knew this thread could go south in a hurry, especially when the original poster related that her (presumably) first “sex toy” was a toilet plunger. Man, you have to be some special kind of dirty to want to shove something up you that you also use to shove down a clogged toilet. But it’s not suprising to find that the thread is equal parts disturbing — would you use your mom’s vibrator? — and sort of arousing. I mean, you wouldn’t believe the horny depths some people will go to in order to get off. It’s kind of inspiring.
Terrible Timing
Photo: NBCU Photo Bank (Getty).
You know how sometimes when you’re masturbating, you accidentally think about your grandmother just at the point of climax? It’s terrible, right? Worst thing ever, yeah? Wrong. Not even close. The “What’s the most disturbing thing you’ve ever masturbated to?” thread clearly shows that. Warning: this one veers off the rails at times, as the first commenter thought this was the proper thread to relay the time he f–ked mud. But it gets back on track enough to learn that people have gotten off to some very weird shit, including boobs being operated on, rotating fans, and the Seinfeld pilot.
Also: 10 Movie Scenes With The Most Gratuitous Nudity
The Worst Thing on the Internet
Closeup of Young Woman Peeking Through Her Fingers. Photo: asiseeit (Getty).
Though I hate to disappoint at headline level, I’m happy this list won’t supplant most of the comments in “the most disturbing thing you’ve seen on the internet” thread. Think about that for a second. Redditers, who have likely seen it all, are trying to think of the actual worst thing they’ve ever seen. That’s a lot of horrendousness — exploding heads, child sacrificing, hot dead-girl banging — pretty much the worst stuff you can imagine, these people have watched. God, I hope I don’t die a brutal death that’s somehow caught on video. Dear Lord, please don’t let people on Reddit watch my corpse being raped.
Deflating Balls
Popped red heart shaped balloon isolated on white. Photo: Heinsbergsphoto (Getty).
I’m telling you right now, do not click on the link in this thread. There’s no reason anyone else needs to see this guy with a hole in his pants deflating and inflating his testicle sack on cue. Unless you really like flat balls, of course. I’ll bet you didn’t know there were flat-ball fans out there, did you? Disturbing Reddit keeps on giving.
Ball Smacking
Paddle Ball. Photo: cveltri (Getty).
Like the entry above, this one comes to us from the WTF subreddit, where the rules explicitly state you’re not allowed to post anything gory. But how can you describe a Japanese gameshow where contestants get their balls repeatedly thwacked by a robotic ball-smacker as anything but? This was invented delibaretely for disturbing Reddit.
Sultry Farmer’s Daughter
Photo: Reddit
It’s not really correct to call the WTF subreddit the gift that keeps on giving, but as far as disturbing threads go, it certainly delivers. Take the sultry farmer’s daughter above, seemingly just posing with a chicken, as sultry farmer’s daughters are prone to do. But then just when you’re about to start fantasizing about her, you notice that ain’t your average chicken, and that Clash of the Titans may have been real. If the same slogan goes for the disturbing Reddit as for the “normal” one, we’re all in trouble.
Good Luck Bunny Spine
Cute holland lop rabbit standing at outdoor. Photo: artemisphoto (Getty).
When I was done mining the gold from my “disgusting” search, I went on to explore the term “gross.” After the “Gross WTF” thread yielded no results, the next selection was the “Gross – Not Safe For Lunch” subreddit, which yielded an entry with a title so compellingly awful — “My cat brought me a rabbit’s spine with the legs still attached 🙁 :(“ — I simply had to click. That was an awful idea. They say that kitty pictures make the internet go around, but I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t be the case if everyone posted pics of their kitties removing the carcass of a little bunny, severing its itty witty top half from the bottom, then sparing its fuzzy little legs for good luck. Why in God’s name did someone feel compelled to share such dream-defying dreck? Oh, because Reddit, that’s why.
