Image Credit: WPA Pool / Getty Images, Christopher Furlong / Getty Images
Citizens of the UK are still reeling from the news that, back in his University days, Prime Minister David Cameron may or may not have inserted his penis into the decapitated head of a deceased pig. The alleged act, documented in a book co-written by former Deputy Chairman of the Conversative Party Lord Ashcroft, was reportedly performed by the PM as part of an initiation ceremony at a Piers Gaveston event, though the Conservatives are inevitably denying the allegations.
Though Ashcroft has claimed that the individual who told him the story, a Member of Parliament, has in his possession photographic evidence of Cameron with his member inside the cranium of the dead swine, this photo has yet to surface and, with many of those in the know stating that Cameron was never actually a member of the University of Oxford’s Piers Gaveston Society, the rumour has been made on particularly shaky ground.
However, the legitimacy of the pig-fucking allegation really does not matter: Cameron shall now forever be the Prime Minister who fucked a pig’s face, regardless of whether or not he actually did it. There’s no two ways about it. Even without seeing a photograph of Cameron caught in the act, we shall never be able to cleanse our minds of the simultaneously troubling yet hilarious image of our moon-faced leader hunched over a pig’s face, his brow damp and glistening, willfully thrusting into the skull of a pig. This shall be his legacy.
Needless to say, Cameron has not released a formal statement regarding the allegations. This silence has led many to consider that he may have actually done the deed with the pig skull, though in all likelihood his lack of an official comment on the matter is probably due to it being a little unprofessional for a Prime Minister to stand before his country, fist clenched authoritatively, and say: “I did not fuck a pig.” It’s that wonderful kind of PR nightmare where the person at the centre of it can’t even pass comment on the allegations, as doing so will mean that he will actually have to mention that people are accusing him of putting his penis inside a dead pig’s head.
So instead he has decided to simply ignore it and hope that it goes away, by returning to Twitter after a short absence while #PigGate topped the list of trending topics in the UK. He returned to the social network yesterday, posting the following tweet:
We’re committing another £100m to refugee camps. Making sure people are well looked after stops them making the dangerous journey to Europe.
— David Cameron (@David_Cameron) September 23, 2015
This interrupted his usual schedule of posting tweets congratulating sports teams and personalities, with it clearly intended to break up the tidal wave of chatter regarding his skull-shagging student antics, hopefully inciting a few pats on the back for helping out the refugees. Unfortunately for the PM, it was instead met with the online equivalent of a chorus of jeers, mostly revolving around pigs. “But u still shagged a pig,” wrote one Twitter user. “Degenerate piggy-fiddler,” wrote another. As far as Internet car crashes go, it was a mammoth one.
That didn’t stop Cameron from returning to the site, though, with him writing the following tweet in celebration of Eid:
#EidMubarak! My message to everyone celebrating this joyous and peaceful festival: https://t.co/RAesCHVsjO
— David Cameron (@David_Cameron) September 23, 2015
This particular tweet was met with the poetic: “Fuck off Dish-Face, you pig fucker,” and the succinct (but barely intelligible) “shag on pig.”
Yes, it seems like it’s going to take a lot for Cameron to prevent the UK from thinking of him as “the Prime Minister who shagged a pig” in the future, and if nothing else it has ensured that he will never be able to visit a farm ever again. The Internet never forgives, the Internet never forgets.
