It’s summer, so that means you have to either sweat like a goblin or reveal your pasty, chalk-like body to the world by popping on those jean shorts. To make your transition into air conditioning season a little easier, we’ve put together 30 of the funniest tweets from hilarious people about the joys of summer. Stay cool out there.
Ah, summer. Time to feel worse than usual about my appearance, but still do nothing to change it
— Hippo (@InternetHippo) May 6, 2016
Today is so hot I pretended to like its writing
— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) July 21, 2013
summer: wait its midnight alredy?? the sun hasn’t even set yet!! lol
winter: HOW. HOW IS IT NOT EVEN 8PM. THE SUN SET LIKE 5 DAYS AGO
— jomny sun (@jonnysun) December 2, 2015
High school prepares kids for real life, where the work day ends at 3PM, summer vacation is 2 months long, and calculators are illegal.
— Max Scoville (@MaxScoville) November 17, 2015
My mom found letters I wrote her from summer camp when I was 9. pic.twitter.com/juLCu9ld8m
— GABY DUNN (@gabydunn) March 21, 2016
College graduates look awfully happy for people who’ll never have an entire summer off again.
— golden state spice (@goldengateblond) May 24, 2016
My apartment is so hot John Mayer just lazily fingered it while yawning.
— Patrick Walsh (@thepatrickwalsh) August 30, 2012
It’s so hot I want to die. It’s only 85° but I already sorta wanted to die.
— shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) July 31, 2014
Funny that “I Know What You Did Last Summer” is a horror movie about white teenagers being held responsible for their hit and run
— Drew (@MostlyPregnant) August 10, 2015
I agreed with a coworker that it’s so hot but really I think it’s just very warm. Who knows how long I have before my lie catches up to me
— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) September 3, 2013
On the one hand, I’m excited for summer. On the other, there are so many people I don’t want to see in shorts.
— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) May 29, 2016
Ur gonna love this band, they’re super indie. The guitarist is deaf, the drummer is a spoon of cinnamon, the bassist is a summer breeze, the
— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) September 25, 2015
Today is so hot I accidentally liked a picture of it from 2012
— Good Account (@SortaBad) July 1, 2015
Carl: So hot today.
Me: Tell me something I don’t know.
Carl: During WW II, Americans tried to train bats to drop bombs.
Me: Fair enough.
— Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) July 11, 2014
It’s so hot I’ve just seen a man fanning himself with his sandwich before each bite.
— Rhys James (@rhysjamesy) July 1, 2015
Make sure you stress about that summer body you want. Your constantly increased heart rate will make the pounds fall off! #lifehack
— Jack Garratt (@JackGarratt) May 17, 2016
Its so hot out right now that my balls are stuck to the leg of the guy sitting next to me.
— bottom text (@JermHimselfish) July 16, 2012
Teachers should get to go to summer camp for free and come back ready to mold our shitty offspring with a tan and the will to live again.
— Adrienne Airhart (@craydrienne) May 14, 2016
When you’re partway through the summer holidays and the kids are bored. pic.twitter.com/s9sHseUL6G
— hrtbps (@hrtbps) August 3, 2015
One of my biggest fears is that Ted Cruz is still in the race during the summer & we’ll be subjected to watching him “eat” an ice cream cone
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 2, 2016
I don’t have a summer home, but I do have several different email addresses.
— Josh Hara (@yoyoha) August 21, 2015
It’s gettin hot in herre, so take off all yo clothes. I am gettin so hot, I want serious, comprehensive, global carbon-reduction initiatives
— (((Dan Ewen (@VaguelyFunnyDan) August 5, 2012
like the cicadas emerging from many dark years spent below ground, i too hope to shed my exoskeleton, mate once and promptly die this summer
— 000___000 (@000___000) April 27, 2016
The weather is so hot it hasn’t had to pay for its drinks in weeks.
— (((OhNoSheTwitnt))) (@OhNoSheTwitnt) July 20, 2013
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
You’re making me sweat a lot.— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) April 23, 2016
*Sandy, age 63, opens Facebook*
*sees friend request from Danny Zuko*
*deletes it without second thought*
– Grease 3, coming summer 2017— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) February 1, 2016
It’s so hot, everybody looks like they’re in an American Apparel ad.
— braden graeber (@hipstermermaid) August 10, 2012
It is so hot that I’ve gone from masturbating in front of a box fan to masturbating TO the box fan.
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) July 19, 2013
It’s so hot in LA today, Johnny Depp is only wearing 2 scarves
— Eli Braden (@EliBraden) August 15, 2015
It’s so weird how much my summer clothes shrink every winter.
— golden state spice (@goldengateblond) May 24, 2016
