This Masturbating Monkey Is Having Way More Fun Than You Are

Odds are if you hang around any monkey exhibit at the zoo long enough, you’re going to get your money’s worth.

It might be in the form an orangutan shoving his thumb up his ass and then giving it a whiff, or it could be in the form of a baboon taking a shit in his hand and then throwing it at the group of second-graders in the front row.

Or it could be in the form of a monkey hanging upside down and punching his clown and showing absolutely no shame about doing so:

This monkey is a straight up savage pic.twitter.com/h6yp9x9HC5

— Barstool Sports (@barstoolsports) July 26, 2016

On a side note, how messed up is that dude at the end of the clip? I mean, that’s a monkey yanking his chain, bro, and your first instinct is to move closer to the thin layer of glass separating you from his savagery and attempt to pet him?

Good lord. If that guy is babysitting your kids this weekend, our suggestion is that you find somebody else.

h/t Barstool Sports

The monkeys haven’t totally grasped the concept of an illusion yet: Baboon Gets Mind Blown By Simple Magic Trick

Tommy Gimler is a stand-up comedian, musician, writer, emcee and all-around good guy. He has worked hundreds of stages across the country, including those at The Laugh Factory, The World Famous Comedy Store and dozens of Improvs.

Tommy has had the pleasure of emceeing events for amazing clients such as Budweiser, Mitsubishi, Chase, Discovery, Animal Planet in front of thousands of people at events like the Super Bowl, X Games, U.S. Open, Little League World Series.