What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving? Capitalism? Why not! But don’t let Black Friday have all the fun. Stock up now on some totally unnecessary but awesome things that will enhance your Turkey Day festivities.
Totally Unnecessary but Awesome Things You Should Buy for Thanksgiving
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Inflatable Turkey
What in the world would you do with an inflatable turkey? Fake out guests? Play beach volleyball? Use as a pool float? Yeah, we don't know, either. But you should buy one just in case creative genius strikes.
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Turkey Piñata
Too much family togetherness can make the best of us a little agitated. Take your rage out on a Thanksgiving-themed piñata rather than a relative and keep candy-grubbing kids busy at the same time!
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Thanksgiving Wine Tags
As a show of support for your host, slip a snarky wine tag on the bottle you bring to dinner. "This wine pairs well with turkey and difficult relatives" is one of the pre-made labels available for download on this Etsy store or design and print your own at home.
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Wine2Go
This portable, flexible wine dispenser discreetly carries an entire bottle of red or white or whatever other vino you like to imbibe. No, you are not obliged to share.
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Mitten Flask
If there's not enough booze--or not the right brand--on hand to survive Thanksgiving, slip outside with these flask-filled mittens and get as wasted as one can from a pouch. If anyone asks what you're doing, just tell them you've regressed and are sucking your thumb for comfort.
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Thanksgiving Towels
One thing's for sure this Thanksgiving: someone's going to spill something. Make sure you have plenty of towels on hand. These custom flour sack tea towels carry a message that's either a threat or a promise, depending on your perspective.
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Turkey Leg Lounge Pants
Adjustable waistbands are a must for Thanksgiving. These cotton lounge pants comes with a combination drawstring and elastic waist (for maximum stretch), are black (to hide food stains), and show fellow eaters that you came to slay.
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Butter Toothpicks
There's always that one relative who has to pick at his teeth post-meal and has no qualms about doing so in front of the family. Pass him a few of these butter toothpicks and you'll be on his good side for life.
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Thanksgiving Gumballs
There will come a point during your Thanksgiving binge when you simply can stomach another morsel but you don't want your meal to end. That's when you pull out this tin of 22 Thanksgiving gumballs in turkey, cranberry, and pumpkin pie flavors and masticate until your jaw cries "uncle."
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STFU Mugs
By the time the pie-and-coffee course rolls around, your relatives will have talked your ear off. Give them a subtle hint by serving java in these passive-aggressive STFU mugs.
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Whoopee Cushion
If things get tense during your family gathering, pull that asshole relative into the kitchen under false pretenses and have another family member plant a Mega Whoopee Cushion in the couch. Lead asshole relative back to the designated seat and let 'er rip. Whoever gets the last laugh wins Thanksgiving.
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Thanksgiving-Themed Mad Libs
When you tire of talking politics (hard to believe it will happen, but it will), pull out this Thanksgiving-themed Mad Libs and recruit your relatives to fill in the blanks instead. Read the ridiculous stories aloud and lighten the mood in mere minutes.
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Adult Charades
Wait until the kids are asleep or sneak down to the basement with your raunchiest relatives for an adults-only round of charades. This card game offers 480 inappropriate scenarios such as "Pissing Contest" and "Horny Devil" that'll drum up a whole new kind of family drama.
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Ouija Board
Because you want to include your dead relatives in the family reunion, right? Turn down the lights and communicate the old-fashioned way with a Ouija board.
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Turkey Tie
Holiday wardrobes are notoriously awful. Dare your family members to partake in a tackiness contest and show up wearing this ridiculous polyester accessory. Add an ugly sweater for maximum puke-inducing effect.
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Thanksgiving Bathroom Door Cover
Aside from "How are you?", the most common question asked at Thanksgiving gatherings is "Where's the restroom?" Take the guess work--and constant interruptions-- out of the equation with this decorative--and not so subtle--bathroom door cover.
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Thanksgiving Dog Food
A dog is man's best friend, but what kind of friend are you if you don't invite Fido to the Thanksgiving table? Show your pooch how grateful you are for him with a big can of Thanksgiving Feast dog food.
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Thanksgiving Thong
Meeting your significant other's family can be stressful. If your girlfriend's game, have her wear this Thanksgiving thong to your Turkey Day obligations with a promise to fulfill its innuendo later. Your little secret will keep you both smiling through all the awkwardness.
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Sexy Maid Costume
After all your guests have departed, spring this sexy maid costume on your sweetheart. It'll make clean-up that much more fun. But don't just watch--pitch in--and she'll be more likely to play later.
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Turkey Poop Greeting Card
Hosting Thanksgiving is a Herculean feat. If anyone cancels, stands you up, or skips out early, you're totally justified in sending that little shit a follow-up "fuck you" card. This one should fit the bill.
