Funniest Tweets of the Week 1-18-2019

Cover Photo: tostphoto (Getty Images). Cover Tweet: @Popehat

When a week dies, a collection of funniest tweets is born from it for your twisted Twitter-loving pleasure. If you missed last week’s tweets, we highly recommend you not skip your weekly dose of laughs, if nothing else for your health.

Enjoy this heaping pile of hilarity, then scurry off into your weekend, but first, remember to follow these fine folks on Twitter. Their blood, sweat and tweets did not come easily, but again, neither did your weekend. Side effects include loss of bladder control, heart palpitations and unplanned crying.

Tweet yourself to these, then follow us @Mandatory on Twitter.

Ronald McDonald really let himself go. pic.twitter.com/BJ8337RBZr

— Gennefer Gross (@Gennefer) January 15, 2019

Without federal food inspectors, I'm only eating chicken nuggets.

— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) January 14, 2019

i’ve invented a time machine that takes you to the 90s. all you have to do is say “get crazy with the cheeze whiz.” it works.

— Pete Holmes (@peteholmes) January 11, 2019

Michael Cohen paid a tech firm to rig online polls in Trump's favor — but that's not all. He paid them to create a Twitter account touting his sexiness to women.

This is very weird.https://t.co/kACBDPoifp

— New York Daily News (@NYDailyNews) January 18, 2019

It's weird how many people hit rock bottom when they're really high

— Kate Quigley (@KateQFunny) January 15, 2019

Makes sense. He failed his audition for Sorry. https://t.co/Wuwc7cDVKS

— Amos Posner (@AmosPosner) January 17, 2019

what in tostitos scoops pic.twitter.com/rNmriXfCoq

— ceeks (@70Ceeks) January 17, 2019

Stop sending me this shit pic.twitter.com/JfJ8uCHqVt

— Mike Tyson (@MikeTyson) January 16, 2019

Finally got the keys to the car. #GB20 https://t.co/T1Np2lRQl1

— Jason Reitman (@JasonReitman) January 16, 2019

Reitman 2020: Son of Original ‘Ghostbusters’ Director Breathes New Life Into Franchise

To prepare yourself for having a kid: Every night before bed say to your phone “Siri, Set an alarm. Surprise me.”

— Molly McNearney (@mollymcnearney) January 16, 2019

He’s prouder of these hamburgers than he is of his adult sons https://t.co/tQunBaeuoH

— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) January 15, 2019

WOOOOO!!!! YEAH BABY! WE MADE IT! pic.twitter.com/kORFbCDkxj

— KB Slammo (@KBSlammo) January 15, 2019

[Writing Batman theme]
WRITER: So it starts by saying “Batman.”
PRODUCER: Well that makes sense, just once?
WRITER: 23 times.
PRODUCER:
WRITER: Then you just make noise for awhile.
PRODUCER:
WRITER
PRODUCER:
WRITER: Then you say Batman again.

— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) January 16, 2019

https://twitter.com/Popehat/status/1085294035391066112