Florida isn’t monkeying around when it comes to infectious diseases. While most of the country is losing its collective shit because of coronavirus, Florida is host to its own outbreak. This one has nothing to do with people, however; it’s focused solely on taking out and slut-shaming monkeys.
The Washington Post reports that a species of monkey called rhesus macaques are growing in population along Florida’s Silver River which, under normal circumstances, would be cause for celebration because who doesn’t love a monkey? Unfortunately, this species of monkey has been known to carry a form of the herpes virus, which makes them a lot less cute and cuddly, kind of like your ex who swore it was just razor burn. While Florida State Park officials are trying to figure out how to manage the macaque population, they warn tourists to keep their distance.
Though actual transmission of the disease from macaque to human has yet to happen, it could happen, which should be good enough. The CDC warns that people can get herpes B from an infected monkey via scratch, bite or contact with the monkey’s eyes, nose or mouth. Feeding a monkey might seem like a great idea and no doubt it would get you hella likes on Instagram, but you’ve spent your entire adult life having mediocre-but-safe sex with the use of protection. Do you really want to get the herps from a fucking monkey?
Speaking of monkeys, Mike Pence is now in charge of the coronavirus response in the U.S. Somehow, we think that our friends, the rhesus macaques, have a better handle on their virus than he does on ours.
Cover Photo: Jeremy Woodhouse (Getty Images)
Real world: Coronavirus Expected to Spread in US, Should Make for Exciting Reality TV on Local News
MORE WEIRD NEWS:
Friends ’til the end: 10 Friends Who Definitely Have Coronavirus and Should Be Avoided From Now Until Death
Help Prevent the Spread of the Coronavirus
Visit the Centers for Disease Control at CDC.gov or the World Health Organization at Who.int for the latest information on the coronavirus and learn what you can do to stop the spread.
Follow Mandatory on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
Meanwhile in Florida 1/12/20
-
Meanwhile In Florida: Dog Hijacks Car and Does Donuts For Over an Hour (Another Holiday Miracle!)
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: walik (Getty Images)
-
Meanwhile in Florida: Overly-Eager Holiday Lover Sits Atop Family’s Roof in Nothing But Underwear, Christmas Drills in Progress
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: RapidEye (Getty Images)
-
Meanwhile in Florida: Police Ask Man to Quit Calling About His Stolen Weed
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: kali9 (Getty Images)
-
Meanwhile in Florida: Man Pulls Machete After Getting Rejected for Date (Imagine What He Does When He Gets Cheated On)
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: ilze79 (Getty Images)
-
Meanwhile in Florida: Woman ‘Accidentally’ Gifts Semi-Automatic Rifle at Baby Shower, Completely Blows Away Karen’s Baby Yoga Mat
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: CREATISTA (Getty Images)
-
Meanwhile in Florida: Man Loses Card Game, Sets Winner’s Car on Fire With Him Inside (As You Do)
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: Roy McMahon (Getty Images)
-
Meanwhile in Florida: Naked Man Steals Car From Valet, Wasn’t Planning on Leather Seats
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: Westend61 (Getty Images)
-
Meanwhile in Florida: Man Arrested After Having Sex With Stuffed Animals In Target; Expected More, Paid Less
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: Andreas Krumwiede / EyeEm (Getty Images)
-
Meanwhile in Florida: Warehouse Worker Crashes Forklift, Smashes Window, Gets Naked (Not Necessarily in That Order)
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: txking (Getty Images)
-
Meanwhile in Florida: Fisherman Believes He Was Sexually Assaulted by Mermaid, Most Likely an Instagram Influencer
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: Stewart Cohen (Getty Images)
-
Meanwhile in Florida: Mom Leaves Kids on Bus to Smoke Weed, Alternative Parenting Style Denied
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: Ed Freeman (Getty Images)
-
Meanwhile in Florida: Bus Evacuated After Teen Hot-Boxes It With Axe Body Spray, Coins New Term ‘Douchebus’
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: InnerVisionPRO (Getty Images)
