Now that Bernie Sanders has suspended his presidential campaign, it appears that former Vice-President Joe Biden is a shoo-in for the Democratic nomination. Political analysts everywhere are frantically placing their bets on who will be the old man’s running mate. There are plenty of competent, qualified options out there, but we have a handful of personal favorites that we’d especially like to see beside him on the ticket. While Biden has already pledged to make a woman his right-hand man, we know how well politicians keep their promises. From the practical to the absurd, these are our top 10 picks for Biden’s running mate.
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Joe Biden VP Picks
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10. Hillary Clinton
The former First Lady, Secretary of State, and United States Senator from New York, Hillary Clinton, certainly knows her way around a political podium. And she's not doing much these days, other than criticizing Trump on Twitter, starring in a Hulu documentary series, and being grandma to Chelsea's three kids. But would she play second fiddle to Joe Biden? We think not.
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9. Elizabeth Warren
Biden's feisty competitor for the Democratic nomination would move his platform to the left and motivate women to vote for him, but there's no way Elizabeth Warren is going to let her political power wither in Biden's long shadow. And honestly, he doesn't deserve her.
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8. Kamala Harris
The United States Senator from California, Kamala Harris, would certainly keep Biden's old-school racism in check (she had to remind him during a debate last November that there was more than one black female senator elected to Congress) but who wants that job? Biden's too old to get woke now and being VP would be an uphill battle every day with the white, senile establishment for Harris.
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7. Amy Klobuchar
If anyone matches the "What are they going to say next?" factor of Joe Biden, it's the United States Senator from Minnesota, Amy Klobuchar. From referencing her Uncle Dick in a deer shack to making beer analogies, she's just as good soundbite material as Biden is. She's also just as much of an ass-kissing centrist as Biden, and makes those who support the status quo feel safe. She's not our favorite, but she's bound to be at the top of Biden's Most Desirable Running Mates list.
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6. Barack Obama
Former President Obama is Joe Biden's man crush. Biden can't get through one lousy speech without mentioning "Barack" and, by association, trying to make himself more relevant, younger, handsomer, smarter, and less white than he actually is. Obama would never in a million years be Biden's running mate, nor would we want him to submit himself to such a position. He's simply too good to be Biden's second-in-command.
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5. Claire Underwood
The female protagonist of House of Cards doesn't take shit from anyone. She'd keep Biden in line in public while orchestrating his death in private so she could take over, which would be the best possible outcome of the 2020 presidential election.
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4. Selena Meyer
Selena Meyer's been known to stick her foot in her mouth (actually, it permanently lives there) so she and Biden would get along perfectly. They'd be a PR nightmare, but news addicts would never get bored.
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3. Pam Beesly
OK, so The Office secretary has no political experience, but she knows how to manage an incompetent boss without stealing the spotlight. Biden would only be so lucky to have her running things behind the scenes.
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2. Miss Piggy
The iconic Muppet is admittedly unruly and irrational, but she speaks her mind, is always well-dressed, and is considered a feminist by some. She also responds to criticism with karate chops and we think that's pretty badass.
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1. Lisa Simpson
Lisa Simpson may be animated, but she's the most qualified person to be Biden's VP. In fact, she's overqualified; we'd like to see her elected president. She's sharp as a tack, can debate anyone under the table, and doesn't get caught up in frivolous arguments or petty pursuits. Simpson is the no-nonsense sidekick Biden needs. A fan can dream...
