For a brief time, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo was politics’ Golden Boy. The New Yorker dubbed him “The King of New York.” Missy Modell sang his praises in a Britney Spears parody called “(I’m Loving) Cuomo.” Molly Jong-Fast wrote an op-ed about how everyone was “crushing on Cuomo.” The Nation called him “St. Andrew of Covid.” The term “Cuomosexual” was adopted and used by celebrities like Ellen DeGeneres and Trevor Noah.
But even as Americans fawned over the governor, there were hints that he wasn’t as much of a saint as people wanted him to be. But because of the pandemic (and Trump’s presidency), admirers looked the other way. Now, we have the ultimate confirmation of what a creep Cuomo is – in the form of multiple sexual harassment claims by former staffers, not to mention an image of Cuomo clutching a young bride’s face in a completely non-consensual form of affection before he asked to kiss her.
Photo: New York Times
In light of these revelations, Samantha Bee dubbed Cuomo New York’s “biggest dirtbag,” and we couldn’t agree more. (Though he certainly isn’t the first or the last.) Cuomo has admitted to feeling “embarrassed” about his behavior but has not taken responsibility for it and he refuses to resign. (Classic predatory politician.)
So we’re stuck with him for a while longer. But what do we do with our feelings about someone we once thought was a hero? This is the Mandatory Cuomosexual Handbook For Handling Your Feelings When Your Political Hero Gets a Little Too Handsy.
Cover Photo: Pacific Press / Contributor (Getty Images)
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Cuomosexual
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Punch a pillow.
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Eat your feelings.
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Egg his house.
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Simp for his brother instead.
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Protest.
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Run for office.
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Support female politicians.
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Promote a woman.
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Be better.
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Relocate.