Wipe that sweat off your brow, we made it through another week of madness. More and more people may be putting Twitter down to escape from the daily doom updates, and in doing so they could be missing out on some of the hilarity that is still out there trying to make the world not seem so glum. Thankfully you have us, and it’s Friday, which means it’s once again time for the funniest tweets of the week! If you were unfortunate to miss our last collection of tweets, not to worry, you poor bastard. We’re here for you if you need us. Now, catch up on all the Twitter insanity here then be sure to follow us on Twitter @Mandatory.
my "I'm not vaccinated because I'm afraid of needles" tattoo has people asking a lot of questions already answered by the tattoo
— dan mentos (@DanMentos) May 27, 2021
[porn director pulls me aside] you gotta quit saying "golly"
— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) May 25, 2021
I always thought I’d marry Jodie Sweetin just so she could add my last name to the end of hers.
— devon sawa (@DevonESawa) May 24, 2021
I like when you say you enjoyed something and a bunch of helpful experts tell you that didn’t.
— Gail Simone ?? (@GailSimone) May 24, 2021
If my phone was really concerned about my amount of screen time it would call me to tell me
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) May 23, 2021
https://twitter.com/MarieColette/status/1397996833129910274?s=20
don’t hit me up unless you’re a witch pic.twitter.com/ifrtMNJ1jJ
— Chris Fleming (@chrisfluming) May 27, 2021
https://twitter.com/HelloCullen/status/1397995748117991424?s=20
I just witnessed an older cashier at Target tell a guy who had his mask around his chin to pull it up, and when he didn’t, she said “mother fucker, I’m not dying on FaceTime”, and I’ve never wanted to hug anyone so bad in my life.
— ʟᴜᴋᴇ ʙᴀʀɴᴇᴛᴛ ??? (@LukeBarnett) May 26, 2021
Me at Me at
The Bottom The Top
Of the Of the
Universal Universal
CityWalk Hill: CityWalk Hill: pic.twitter.com/S2MWlJHCvg— Americana at Brand Memes (@americanamemes) May 27, 2021
https://twitter.com/tripofmice/status/1396851177183055872?s=20
finally ate a good waffle so i said "waffles" out loud & got a ad for Eggo waffles ten seconds later. not u, bitch. when i wanna hear from u ill say "dickhead circle for idiots"
— DVS (@DVSblast) May 26, 2021
I hope in this one he insists on going by Bill Wonka
— Jill Twiss (@jilltwiss) May 25, 2021
I’ve never understood the appeal of the bath. Sitting…but wet?
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) May 24, 2021
https://twitter.com/fred035schultz/status/1396498130540052481?s=20
