Meanwhile in Ukraine: Couple Parts Ways After 123 Days Handcuffed Together (And Guess What Their Biggest Complaint Was)

Romantics, please cover your ears. A young couple tired of breaking up has finally broken up, making the entire world question every notion we’ve ever had of love. Because handcuffing themselves together for four months somehow didn’t fix all their relationship problems.

In the beginning, 29-year-old eyelash technician Viktoria Pustovitova was thrilled to be shackled to her on-again-off-again boyfriend, Alexandr Kudlay. It would be a way to bring them together once and for all. But that was before the first curry dinner went down spicy and came out, well, you know.

We’re pretty sure bathroom time with Alexandr was not what she had in mind when she said, “It will bring into my life new bright emotions which I did not experience before.”

Things quickly soured as the couple realized they didn’t like each other all that much (and were limited in the sexual positions they could achieve). For every positive experience they shared, there were two negative ones.

Alexandr explained the constant companionship sparked bitter daylong arguments with lasting emotional trauma. (Not sure how that’s different than a normal relationship.)

Yet it wasn’t the daily hygiene or emotional torture that eventually led to the couple’s final farewell. According to Pustovitova, the handcuffs revealed a darker truth about herself.

“We stayed together all day, I did not receive any attention from Alexandr because we were constantly together,” Pustovitova lamented. “He did not tell me, ‘I miss you,’ while I would like to hear that.”

Weird, and here we thought Alexandr was the needy one.

After the chain cutting ceremony, which was held (unironically) in front of the Unity Monument in Kyiv, the chain cutter told reporters he was going to introduce himself to the newly single Pustovitova. But the young belle was having none of it, immediately telling everyone as loudly as possible that she planned to fly solo for a while. (Talk about not reading the room chain cutter guy.)

The moral of the story is, metal bonds are no substitute for real ones. And a cheap publicity stunt can’t save a doomed relationship.

Oh yeah, and handcuffing yourself to another human being is the worst relationship goal we’ve ever heard of.

But the young Ukrainians shouldn’t be too hard on themselves, after all, they discovered a new life hack to experience marriage without the consequences.

Now living as far away from Alexandr as possible, Pustovitova had one last thought about her ill-fated experience. “I think it will be a good lesson for us, for other Ukrainian couples and couples abroad not to repeat what we have done.”

Hmmm, you think?

Cover Photo: Twitter

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