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The Mandatory First 8 Rules of Crypto Club

Let’s cut the bullshit. We all want to be rich. But we also want to belong to something. A family. A team. A tribe. And what better way to kickstart the ménage à trois of your dreams than by joining Crypto Club today? Right now, 27 million of your fellow Americans are already enjoying an array of club member benefits ranging from smug buttholes to McMansions in gated communities. What are you waiting for?

Who cares that 0.01 percent of bitcoin holders control the majority of the 19 million bitcoins in circulation. It’s never too late to get your share and make a fortune with money that only exists on the internet. How else are you going to purchase NFT IKEA furniture in the year 2032 when you’re forced to live in an underground isolation pod with your only sensory experiences happening digitally via a neural link?

Don’t get left behind in the digital poverty zone by missing out on important investments in your future today. If you like the idea of playing The Sims with your actual life but don’t have a cheat code handy, Crypto Club is your one-stop shop for winning. Learn all 6,247 rules at CryptoClub.net/noob. Or start with the first eight by scrolling down right now.

Cover Photo: Eva-Katalin (Getty Images)
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