Goddamn Liberal Fox With Rabies Responsible For Biting People at the US Capitol, You Sure It’s Not Marjorie Taylor Greene?

There’s a menace afoot on Capitol Hill threatening the health and wellbeing of Washington D.C. lawmakers. But it’s not some deranged stranger or even Marjorie Taylor Greene. It’s a rabies-carrying red fox that has a penchant for biting politicos. In other words, our spirit animal.

The fox made the rounds last week, visiting the Dirksen Senate Office Building and the Russell Senate Office Building, as well as hanging out on the House side of the U.S. Capitol. One of its victims was a journalist.

“That feel when you get bit by a fox leaving Capitol cause that’s of course something I expect in THE MIDDLE OF DC,” reporter Ximena Bustillo tweeted.

(Actually, Ximena, that’s exactly where would expect to see a bloodthirsty fox.)

That feel when you get bit by a fox leaving Capitol cause that’s of course something I expect in THE MIDDLE OF DC.

— Ximena (@Ximena_Bustillo) April 5, 2022

In total, the fox bit at least nine people, prompting the U.S. Capitol Police to release the following warning: “We have received several reports of aggressive fox encounters on or near the grounds of the U.S. Capitol. For your safety, please do not approach any foxes. Animal Control Officers are working to trap and relocate any foxes they find.”

The cops captured the aggressive animal shortly thereafter.

#BREAKING: Captured. pic.twitter.com/LJAn2ZjH9J

— U.S. Capitol Police (@CapitolPolice) April 5, 2022

Sadly, the fox has since been “humanely euthanized,” as have three kits that were found at its den.

“Since the mother tested positive for the rabies virus and the kits could have been exposed during grooming or other means, they were no longer able to be safely rehabilitated and were humanely euthanized,” a statement from the DC Department of Health said.

So it sounds like lawmakers and the journalists that call them on their bullshit are safe for now. Then again, last time we checked, MTG is still in office…

Cover Photo: Kevin Dietsch (Getty Images)