It’s been almost three months since Russia invaded Ukraine for reasons that are still unclear (and are certainly unjustified). Since then, thousands of civilian lives have been lost, an epic refugee crisis is underway, and the unrest has triggered already unstable financial markets.
While Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky has really risen to the occasion and commanded compassion, assistance, and support from the entire rest of the world, there’s still no end in sight to this war.
So what’s a bystander supposed to do? Some have volunteered to take up arms and travel to Ukraine to fight (probably not a great idea, guys). Others have donated to organizations like UNICEF, The Ukrainian Red Cross, and Mercy Corps (better than nothing). And more have plastered “Support Ukraine” banners on their social media profiles (this is what we call performative activism, people, and it’s pointless). But if you really want to fight the big baddy Vladimir Putin, what can you do?
Tell a joke. Seriously. Given that the higher-ups in Russia have a penchant for silencing people in brutally inhumane ways, the best thing you can do right now is share a hilarious joke about the former Soviet Union. We’ve made it easy by coming up with 10 rib-ticklers that’ll have you laughing at Putin and his cronies, not with them. (He is really creepy when he laughs.)
Without further ado, we present the funniest jokes about Russia – because humor is the best weapon when you have no weapons.
Russia Jokes
-
Ballot Snatcher
"In Russia, you don’t vote for Putin, Putin votes for you."
-
Road Rage
"Americans be like: 'Here is the US, we drive on the right side of the road.'
Brits be like: 'Here in the UK, we drive on the left side of the road.'
Russians after a car accident be like: 'Here in Russia, road is road.'"
-
Surveillance State
Q: How does every Russian joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.
-
Daters Beware
"If you go home with someone and they have the banner of the former Soviet Union hanging on the wall, that's a big red flag."
-
'Til Death Do Us Part
Q: What does a Russian bride get from her husband on her wedding day that is long and hard?
A: A new last name.
-
It's a Hard-Knock Life
"Russian history in five words: 'And then things got worse.'"
-
Quality of Life
"A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.
'Look at their reserve, their calm,' muses the Brit. 'They must be British.'
'Nonsense,' the Frenchman disagrees. 'They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French.'
'No way! They have no clothes and no shelter,' the Russian points out. 'They have only an apple to eat, and they are being told they live in a paradise. Obviously, they are Russian.'"
-
If You Can't Say Anything Nice...
"I asked my Russian friend 'How is it going?'
He replied, 'Can not complain.'"
-
Serious Question
Q: How many Russians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I don’t know. They just keep Putin them in.
-
Game Night
"Gather six friends to play Russian roulette and one’s mind will be blown away."
