Don’t Drink Alcohol? Well, Have Fun Dying

What are seven words never uttered by our guidance counselors, Alex?

According to a recent study published in the journal Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research (not to be confused with The Amy Winehouse Story) and Time, people who abstain from alcohol are more likely to die sooner than those who engage in drinking it, even those who do so in a John Blutarsky fashion.

For twenty years, researchers followed 1,824 participants between the ages of 55 and 65 who had some kind of outpatient care in their previous three years, and the results were almost as shocking as the band Train winning multiple Grammys:

69% of those who laid off the sauce died while 60% of the Nick Noltes ate it. However, only 41% of the moderate drinkers met their maker.

So, for the single ladies heading out to the clubs and corner bars this weekend hoping to find a guy to grow old with, maybe it’s worth giving the guy at the end of the bar who’s passed out in a puddle of his own piss a second look. (via Time)

More drinking stories: The ‘Family Guy’ Syndication Drinking Game

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