There’s something about being in a limo that makes people lose their minds. They turn into monster divas that think laws no longer apply to them. A Reddit thread asked limo drivers to share the craziest and most ridiculous stories from their time on the job. Here are some of the best ones:
Eminem
Some woman got in carrying a life-size blow-up doll of Eminem. No one except the lady and “Eminem” was in the entire limo. So I was silent as I witnessed her sitting in the back seat making advances on an Eminem inflatable.
The Party Bus
My mother used to work for a company that built limos and party buses and the owner also ran a rental service.
They had one bus that was aptly named the “Stripper Bus,” the thing had poles, a see-through shower, satin and velvet, everything.
The bus was rented out in Detroit one time and it came back in terrible condition, so bad that it had to come into the shop to have a lot of work done.
When my mom asked what happened, the owner simply replied: “Fifteen cops and 30 hookers …”
We Forgot Something
A friend of mine owns a limo company. A few weeks ago someone took a dump in the ice box in one of his limos. The best part was that someone from the party called a few days later and was like, “We left something in the limo.” Yes, yes you did.
Bad Timing
I saw what seemed like the last few moments of a mugging. The guy had gotten seriously injured, and I would have felt incredibly guilty if I had left him there so I rolled down my window and offered him a lift to the hospital.
While I lifted him, I could see that he was bleeding profusely out of his right arm. As I leaned in for a closer look, I saw that it was a bullet wound, and he told me that they would probably be back for him.
As soon as he got in, I could feel my window shatter onto my arm. The guys who were beating up my new passenger had decided to wreck the car as well, and presumably me. They ended up taking all my money. All three of them left, and I took the victim to the hospital to get fixed.
Bad Bachelor Party
My mom was a driver for about 12 years.
She just said, “A dead body.”
Apparently a bachelor party had booked the limo and had the partition up while they were doing drugs.
The guy OD’d and they just left him there.
Too Many Drinks
I was driving in Times Square right after a show let out on a Saturday night. Needless to say a LOT of people around to witness a limo drive by with a twentysomething woman hanging her head out the window vomiting on her long hair and all over the side of the limo. Proud night.
Prom Night
My limo driver for prom made an illegal u-turn on a major road and caused a 6-car pile up.
He was making the turn to pick us up. We had no idea until we were sitting at the light waiting to leave and a lady came banging on the window that she was calling the police.
Once we heard him speak, it was clear he was intoxicated. We immediately got out of the limo and I sat on a curb waiting for our parents.
We forfeited our time and never did get our money back.
Bono
When my parents started dating, my dad was a limo driver for musicians who played in major concerts in Philadelphia. On my parents’ second date, he was going to pick her up then take U2 to their concert. My dad picked my mom up, then picked up U2 from the airport, and they proceeded to be complete jerks to my mom for being in the limo. They got dropped off for their concert and my parents went to dinner.
Shrooms
I gave a ride to a man who was tripping balls on magic mushrooms. He kept telling me and the other (much more coherent) passenger about how the road is the universe and each dashed line in the lane markings is a human lifetime. In retrospect, that ain’t half bad (as far as analogies go).
Drunk Ladies
My friend was a town car driver and one night he picked up a group of drunk people: two women and two men. One of the women sits up front with him and starts slurringly flirting at him. He is laughing and having a good time, but is paying attention to the road and doesn’t see her grab the intercom thing for the radio (the thing used to contact dispatch). By the time she realizes what she has in her hand, she has already pressed the button and starts talking about how she wants to sleep with him. All the other drivers heard it and had a good laugh about it.
Whoops
I don’t think post people realize there are hidden cameras in the back of limo’s for the driver’s protection. The most common thing recorded is people changing clothes, but just know you’re probably being filmed.
Big Spenders
One time, I picked up a group in our nicest limo and they had me drive them to TGI Fridays. Living the high life.
Owning is Better than Renting
I once owned and drove an old beat-up limo I bought for $500. I would pile in some friends and go cruising down our strip here near Milwaukee. We would somehow pick up women way out of our league and take them to house parties. The people at the parties would be upset we took up so much room parking that giant car out there, but who’s gonna mess with 15 dudes in a beat-up limo?
