Photo: Mat Hayward (Getty)
Let’s talk Tinder, shall we? It is by far the most popular and influential dating app available to singles (hence all the copycats manufactured in its wake), and it’s actually the app where I found my fiancee. I guess in a way I’m tangible proof that the app can be used for something besides entertaining yourself while taking a shit.
But guys, we’re not doing Tinder right. Actually, we’re pretty bad at it. Women I know share their Tinder experiences with me in casual conversations and damn. Just damn. What the hell are we doing? Instead of treating women like decent human beings, we instead interact with them as if they’re sex objects.
Guess what? Chicks don’t dig that! A good friend of mine recently shared a screenshot of her latest interaction on the app and you know what a dude said to her as his opener? “Yummy.”
That’s all he said. He addressed her like I do an ice cream cone. How’s she supposed to react to that? Do you agree with him, like, “You bet I am!”
If she DOES choose to interact after such a lame, impersonal opener, I guess that opens him up to sending over a dick pic. Because that’s exactly what this dude did.
After speaking with her about these kinds of interactions (of which there are many and almost always include dick pics), I decided to speak with women to determine what men should do to make them more attractive on the app. Since there are more men on Tinder than women, plus the fact that men are three times more likely to swipe right, women have all the power. So let’s give the ladies what they want.
1. Women want a stand-up guy, so be a stand-up guy
Men: please take off those sunglasses in multiple shots, and make sure you include ALL of your face, not half. Don’t try to draw us in with your “sexy” car, or come onto us with sexual comments right out of the box.
If you’re going to ghost on us, just let us know you’re not interested, don’t disappear. Most importantly though, stand up for your gender. Make us believe there are loads of good guys out there. Take the higher road. – Paula, 40
2. Don’t let your profile reflect your vanity
Do NOT include any self-indulgent selfies at the gym or in the bathroom. They are a complete turnoff. It screams “I’m immature and all I care about is myself!” – Roxanne, 31
3. Don’t make women guess with your profile
First and foremost: DON’T send dick pics. They’re not cute. Don’t make your first picture a group photo, because I’ll just assume you’re the least attractive one. And when you’re writing a profile in such a limited space, give me something to work with, let me know something about you. – Sarah, 27
4. Take things off Tinder ASAP
Keep your opener short and sweet. Be an Alpha, don’t chase me. Then, when you have me, get off Tinder! Let’s exchange numbers and get to texting. After we’ve been texting a bit and things seem to be going well, ask me out, schedule something and stick to it. – Danielle, 27
5. Show your interests in photos
A picture says a thousand words, so try using photos that tell a story and describe a bit about who you are. If you like animals, make sure there is a photo with you and your pet, or if you are an outdoorsy type, include a photo of you doing an activity outside. You need to have something that will appeal to me so we can have a conversation. – Nikki, 47
6. Talk “to” her, not “about” her
Instead of saying something perverted (like most do), say something related to what I’ve offered in my profile. Actually ask me questions, get to know me. If I’m providing a ratio, it should be 25 percent about you and 75 percent about me. As for a closer, ask me out for coffee that week, the longer it’s delayed the more likely this meet-up won’t happen. – Brenda, 36
7. Do WHATEVER you can to not come across creepy
I actually have plenty of advice. So much, in fact, that I’ve written an itemized list. See below.
1. Avoid the low angle car selfie. It looks like you’re trying to give a POV from a blow job. No fanks
2. Smile. Easy fix
3. Take off your sunglasses. In case I go missing on our Tinder date I need someone to be able to ID the perp
4. Avoid wedding photos – especially if they were from your own wedding. I’d like to know you own a suit that wasn’t rented for your college roommate’s wedding
5. Keep group photos to a minimum. Where’s Waldo?
6. Have a good friend take pics of you doing things you like
7. Dogs.
8. Write a bio. It makes it look like you’re serious about meeting someone
9. Avoid first comments being about looks. It’s creepy
10. Keep emojis to a minimum
11. Ask questions. Show you’re interested but keep it light – Libby, 26
8. Reveal your intentions early on
Don’t take pictures with other women, it looks like you’re a player. Don’t hint at anything sexual until I’ve met you in person. Let me know your true intentions on the app before I get too invested. If you want to hook up, that’s cool, but I’m looking for something different. Let’s not waste each other’s time here. – Bonnie, 28
9. Be complimentary, not creepy
It’s SO easy to be complimentary instead of creepy. I don’t get why guys elect the creepy approach when it’s so much easier (and better accepted) to be kind and complimentary.
Instead of saying I’m sexy, say I’m beautiful. Instead of taking a dick pic, take a picture with your pet. Instead of talking about your interests, inquire about mine. There aren’t many women on Tinder seeking a sexual relationship, so try being a decent person instead and I’m sure you’ll be far more successful. – Krista, 30
10. Don’t be a Casanova
There’s nothing I hate more than a smooth-talker. These guys have perfected the craft at talking to women for the sole reason of getting into our pants and I can see through it right away. If your opener reads like a modern Shakespearean play, I’m not into it.
If your main image is shirtless, I see what you’re trying to do and I won’t bite. You are presenting yourself as a sexual object, not a person. I understand that all of this can be evidence of one’s confidence, but most of the time, it’s nothing but cockiness. – Leanne, 34
Now have at it.
