What if you could eat whatever you wanted and still have the perfect body? Well, now you can with just a few simple tweaks to the way you gobble. Learn to exert minimum effort with maximum results. Continue to enjoy your favorite food groups of chocolate, bacon, and cheese while experiencing a physical transformation that will make your heart explode in ecstasy (that or clogged arteries). Thanks to the wizardry of the mind, you can now have your cake and eat it, too. Get ready to unlock the potential of you (and go from gorging to gorgeous) with these 10 ingenious methods for tricking your body into losing weight. Results may vary.
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Fat burning tricks
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Learn to count calories and add them up incorrectly.
Keep track of everything you eat. Add the value incorrectly at the end of every week and divide by Y. Who knew your shitty math skills would come in so handy one day?
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Cut your bacon cheeseburger in half before you eat it.
With this one simple trick, your brain now believes you are eating half as much food.
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Watch exercise infomercials when eating doughnuts.
Before you dig in to that fresh box of glazed glory, snap on a fitness infomercial. Watching homeboy flex on the Gazelle will trick your mind into thinking it's you performing those rugged scissor thrusts.
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Get out of the car to fetch your extra-large Frosty.
We know it sounds insane to go inside a Wendy's when the drive-thru is right there, but the extra effort will balance you out like you wouldn't believe.
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Eat dessert for breakfast.
Not only will you get a nice sugar rush to start your morning, you'll have the whole rest the day to burn off those delicious calories. We're not ones to bandy about the word genius but...
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Find a broken scale under the 'free' items tab on Craigslist.
Reset the mind/body connection by utilizing a scale that doesn't work. How much weight did you gain today? Who the f*ck knows.
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Dip your roast beef in au jus made from a skinny cow.
Diet spiritualists say the essence of a skinny cow will become your essence after just three tablespoons of au jus. That's a fact.
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Have your midnight snack at 3 AM.
Your body knows when the clock strikes midnight because that's when you typically raid the fridge. Try moving your unadulterated face-stuffing to 3 a.m. and watch your body get so confused it will literally start shedding all the fat.
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Eat fruit- and vegetable-shaped cookies.
If it looks like a vegetable, and smells like a cookie, it's probably a vegetable-shaped cookie. Having a well-rounded meal now and then is key to successful weight maintenance.
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Eliminate carbs for one hour everyday.
This one is really important. Block off at least one hour per day to refrain from eating any carbs. It won't be easy, but stick with it, and we assure you that after one week, you will have not eaten carbs for seven hours.
