Ah, Thanksgiving. That annual binge-fest that we look forward to all year. No gifts required. No awkward religious rituals. Just show up, stuff yourself, and loosen your pants. That’s all that’s required. (OK, and maybe bring a bottle of something to share or help wash the dishes, if you’re a very good boy.)
There’s a dark side to Thanksgiving, though. That epic Thursday holiday has always been a powder keg for families. You never know who is going to say or do what. 2020 has been an unprecedented – and unpredictable – year, and it’s only going to add to the X factor this Thanksgiving. With the CDC cautioning against large gatherings, many families are opting for a Zoom get-together instead. But just because you aren’t in the same room with your (dearly beloved) relatives doesn’t mean things aren’t going to get weird.
That’s why we’re here: to prepare you. Expect the worst, hope for the best. Here are the 10 things guaranteed to go wrong at your Zoom Thanksgiving.
Photo: RgStudio (Getty Images)
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Zoom Thanksgiving
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Your grandparents won't understand how to use the camera.
Is this thing on?
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Everyone will be drunk.
We've been stuck indoors for eight months. What do you expect?
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Someone will vomit on-camera.
See: drinking (above).
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Someone will do something crude with the turkey.
It's a naked bird with two open orifices. In other words: irresistible.
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Something will catch on fire.
Let's hope it's not anyone's fake boobs.
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There will be burns.
We wish we only meant of the metaphorical variety.
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Someone will have the football game on full blast in the background.
Congrats on your surround sound. Now kindly mute your microphone.
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Someone will join just after sex.
Your afterglow doesn't need an audience, thanks.
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Your creepy uncle will pull a Jeffrey Toobin.
"I believed I was not visible on Zoom. I thought no one on the Zoom call could see me. I thought I had muted the Zoom video."
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A political debate will erupt.
This will be the beginning of the end of Thanksgiving 2020.
