Raw Squid With Organs Still Attached Impregnates Woman's Tongue

Raw Squid With Organs Still Attached ‘Impregnates’ Woman’s Tongue After She Eats It

Pregnancy sickness. Photo: gilaxia (Getty)

I once saw my uncle hitting on my cousin at a family reunion. Until today, it was both the craziest and most disturbing thing I had ever seen. What does it take to unseat my uncle at the table of champions? You guessed it — a raw squid impregnating a woman’s tongue in an effort not to get eaten.

According to Mirror, the 63-year-old South Korean woman partially cooked the squid before eating it. However, she didn’t remove the sea creature’s internal organs first. That, kids, is apparently the most important part of the equation when it comes to not walking around with a pregnant tongue.

raw squid — Japanese common squid. Photo: Andrey Nekrasov (Getty)

“As soon as she put a piece into her mouth, she felt like many ‘bugs’ were biting her oral mucosa,” researchers wrote. “She experienced severe sharp pain and spat out the entire portion without swallowing. Despite that, she could feel many small squirming white bug-like organisms penetrating her oral mucosa.”

Turns out it was just trying to get him pregnant: Giant Squid Tries To Climb Onto Dude’s Paddleboard And No Thanks

Those squirming white bug-like creatures were spermatophores. For those unfamiliar, spermatophores are sperm-containing capsules, and this poor woman had 12 of them lodging into both her tongue and gums.

After receiving immediate medical attention, the woman is expected to be fine. Our guess is she’ll spend the rest of her life eating anything else.

Tommy Gimler is a stand-up comedian, musician, writer, emcee and all-around good guy. He has worked hundreds of stages across the country, including those at The Laugh Factory, The World Famous Comedy Store and dozens of Improvs.

Tommy has had the pleasure of emceeing events for amazing clients such as Budweiser, Mitsubishi, Chase, Discovery, Animal Planet in front of thousands of people at events like the Super Bowl, X Games, U.S. Open, Little League World Series.