Alabama Man Surprisingly Has Only One Meth-Fueled Pet Squirrel (Considering His Stance on Abortion)

Erik is a longtime writer and editor who was once an underground hip-hop superstar with dreams of playing in the NBA. Those dreams became afterthoughts when Erik met the love of his life -- pizza. Unable to dunk a basketball anymore, and coping with being full from eating yet another large with pepperoni and onions, Erik gave up rap stardom and began writing on the internet because it’s so much cooler than rapping, touring the world and being a rich basketball player. He also likes romantic comedies.