If hindsight is 2020, then we don’t want it anymore. We’ll continue to live in a world of foresight for the foreseeable future, because 2020 has sucked. Most of the stories coming out of 2020 have been a bummer, but there has been a silver lining to the giant fucking raincloud hovering over this past year – there have been a lot of funny stories as well. We, at Mandatory, have had the absolute privilege of covering many of these weird-cum-funny-cum-could-only-happen-in-2020 stories and, as the year finally comes to a close, we have rounded up those stories for the benefit of all.
These stories are weird. They’re awkward. Some of them are super uncomfortable. A few of them involve Rudy Giuliani (who is the epitome of weird, awkward, and uncomfortable). Regardless, Carol Burnette said that comedy is tragedy plus time. We’re not sure if enough time has passed for us to get over the tragedy of 2020, but we’re gonna give it the old college try. This is the Mandatory Hall of Fame: Our 20 Weirdest and Funniest Stories of 2020.
Cover Photo: Drew Angerer (Getty Images)
Breaking Weird News: Cow Emerges From Ocean, OK Seriously What the Hell Is This Year?
Meanwhile in Florida: Man Thaws Thanksgiving Turkey in Backyard Pool, Secret Ingredient Is Chlorine (And Maybe a Dash of Covid)
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2020 Weirdest News
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Lonesome Dog Sets Kitchen on Fire, Likely Strategic Play After a Year of the Exact Same Meal
Neither the dog, nor the owner, were harmed in any way but we have to imagine that when the husky was being hugged by his owner, he made eye contact with one of the firemen and slowly, but deliberately, winked at him.
Read more here.
Photo Credit: Sudhir Singh / EyeEm (Getty Images)
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Man Asks Judge to Approve ‘Trial by Combat’ With Ex-Wife, Potential Reality Show ‘Marital Gladiators’ on the Table
David Ostrom, like many an ex-husband before him, stood no chance against his former wife and her divorce attorney. Legally, Ostrom didn’t have much of a leg to stand on, so he hopes to chop off those of his ex-wife and/or her attorney, via trial by combat.
Read more here.
Photo Credit: elementals (Getty Images)
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Hand Sanitizer Prices Skyrocket Amid Coronavirus, Our Cheap DIY Suggestions to Avoid Getting Scammed
Health officials have offered a list of helpful tips to avoid imminent death by coronavirus (hint: wash your hands), but if those seem too hard to manage, feel free to check out our list of cheap, DIY suggestions to avoid getting scammed while also remaining in top health.
Read more here.
Photo Credit: matspersson0 (Getty Images)
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Harvey Weinstein Sentenced to 23 Years in Prison, Cosby to Make Perfect Cellmate
Harvey Weinstein has been sentenced to 23 years in prison after being convicted of first-degree criminal sexual act and third-degree rape.
Read more here.
Photo Credit: Scott Heins (Getty Images)
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10 Ridiculous Coronavirus Myths, Busted
While we’re waiting for life to return to normal, the best thing we can do is to stay informed and not believe all of the nonsense on the internet. That’s why we decided to debunk some of the widely circulated internet myths surrounding coronavirus.
Read more here.
Photo Credit: filadendron
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Trump Touts Disinfectant as Coronavirus Treatment, No Cure Yet For His Stupidity
In a press briefing on Thursday evening, President Trump suggested that the next breakthrough in coronavirus treatment just might be the injection of disinfectants, like Lysol or Clorox.
Read more here.
Photo Credit: JackF (Getty Images)
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God Sends Murder Hornets to US to Show Things Can Always Get Worse (Or Possibly Another Democrat Sting Against the President)
As if 2020 needed any more fuckery, God decided to send us murder hornets. These really are end times. We’ve already had the plague (COVID-19), the beast (Trump), false prophets (anybody that works for Trump), earthquakes, famine, and now swarms of locusts.
Read more here.
Photo Credit: Nicolas Reusens (Getty Images)
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Young Boy Cries After Getting McDonald's for First Time Since Lockdown, His Colon Confirms That's the Appropriate Response
This video warms our soul and does good things to our hearts. We can’t say it will do the same to young Adam’s, though. Or his stomach. Or his colon. It is McDonald’s, after all.
Read more here.
Photo Credit: Newsflash/watiwan.mayaadam
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Trump’s Terrorist Theory of 75-Year-Old Man Shoved by Police Exhibits New Expert Level of Sociopathic Thinking
We’re not even trying to be funny or mean here. Donald Trump has consistently proven himself to be everything his biggest detractors keep calling him. This Martin Gugino incident is just further proof of his socipathy.
Read more here.
Photo Credit: Pool (Getty Images)
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The Donald Trump Guide to Drinking Water Like a Completely Respectable President
People love to poke fun at Donald Trump for how he drinks his water. But there may be a method to his madness. Is there a real meaning behind those carefully placed sips? Let's find out.
Read more here.
Photo Credit: Mark Wilson (Getty Images)
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Men's Beards May Have Evolved to Sustain Punches to the Head, Random Study Suggests Scientists Are Running Out of Things to Study
As if the power to turn a 6 into an 8 wasn’t enough, new research suggests that having a beard can actually allow men (and women, we guess?) to better absorb punches to the head.
Read more here.
Photo Credit: max-kegfire (Getty Images)
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The Funniest Tweets Reacting to Kanye West's Run For President
Kanye West announced his bid for president in the 2020 election, and right on cue, Twitter was there with the hot takes and funny jokes. Here are the funniest tweets reacting to more 2020 absurdity.
Read more here.
Photo Credit: The Washington Post / Contributor (Getty Images)
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The Internet Had Its Phallic Way With Ivanka Trump Modeling Goya Beans, Hilarious Tweets Ensued
After the internet canceled Goya for supporting Trump, the Trump family suddenly had cabinets full of Goya! After promoting the brand on Twitter, which is surely illegal, Ivanka faced the wrath of Twitter's photoshop experts.
Read more here.
Photo Credit: Twitter
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Meanwhile in Wyoming: Man Confesses to Sexually Assaulting Horses, No Word Yet If It Was Straight to the Horse’s Mouth
Now, listen. Wyoming has to deal with enough stereotypes. It’s bad enough that people don’t think it’s real, or that they don’t have running water and electricity. It’s a whole ‘nother thing to have to think of a response when people ask “Hmm, Wyoming, huh? Don’t they fuck horses there?”
Read more here.
Photo Credit: Mathias Ahrens (Getty Images)
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Donald Trump Jr. Denies Being on Cocaine During RNC Speech, Likely Just Who He Is as a Person
Donald Trump Jr., who is almost as big of a douchebag as his dad, has denied allegations that he snorted cocaine before his speech at the Republican National Convention.
Read more here.
Photo Credit: Twitter
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RANKED! Members of the Trump Family (From Bad to the Absolute Worst)
But, there are other hate-able members of the Trump family besides just the orange-faced, cotton candy-haired former host of 'The Apprentice' and we decided to rank them from bad to absolute worst.
Read more here.
Photo Credit: Getty Images
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RNC Fails: Infamous Gun Couple Ironically Claims ‘Your Family Will Not Be Safe’ If Trump Loses, Eagerly Await Being Appointed Secretaries of Defense
Mark and Patty McCloskey have actually been criminally charged for pointing their firearms at peaceful protesters during a St. Louis march. Their case is still ongoing, but that didn’t deter President Trump from acquiring their services to, we guess, “help” his campaign.
Read more here.
Photo Credit: CBS News
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That’s America’s Dick: Chris Evans' NSFW Nude Photo Proves He’ll Do Anything to Get Your Attention About the Importance of Voting
The bad news is, the entire world was the recipient of an unsolicited dick pic. The good news is, it was the dick of Chris Evans.
Read more here.
Photo Credit: Frazer Harrison (Getty Images)
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Rudy Giuliani Is Star of the New 'Borat' Movie, This Nut Busted With His Hand in His Pants (Plus Twitter's Best Reactions)
Hands down, this is the strangest news story of the week. A scene in the forthcoming 'Borat' sequel features none other than former New York City mayor and current Trump attorney Rudy Giuliani rubbing his junk in the presence of a young woman he believed to be a journalist.
Read more here.
Photo Credit: Twitter
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RANKED! The Dumbest Things Trump Has Said in 2020
2020 has been a strange year and when this country has needed a leader, we’ve gotten a petulant child upset that his mommy wouldn’t give him any juice. As a result, we’ve at least gotten some absolute gems of quotes from President Trump.
Read more here.
Photo Credit: Scott Olson (Getty Images)
