Here's A Sea Turtle Trapped In $53 Million Worth Of Cocaine

Here’s A Sea Turtle Trapped In $53 Million Worth Of Cocaine

December 22, 2017

Photo: richcarey (Getty)

Our guess is that Charlie Sheen would have requested to be left tangled up in the array of booger sugar.

According to The Telegraph, the US Coast Guard recently found a massive loggerhead turtle entangled in blue rope connecting bales containing $53 million worth of snout candy. In terms of weight, the heap of blow found 300 miles south of the Mexico-Guatemala border on November 19 tipped the scales at 1,800 pounds.

Exactly what does a giant sea turtle caught in 1,800 pounds of yayo look like? Check it out for yourself:

There was “significant chaffing from the lines” on the turtle’s neck and flippers, but the commanding officer and his crew went to work and eventually freed the poor guy. They then turned their attention to the Peruvian marching powder. The enormous haul wound up being part of 14,800 pounds of blow hauled in by the Coast Guard over a 68-day sweep.

No word on who massive stash of coke belonged to before it was seized by the Coast Guard, but we wouldn’t be shocked if whoever it was now has a hit out on the turtle for fucking up his livelihood.

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Tommy Gimler is a stand-up comedian, musician, writer, emcee and all-around good guy. He has worked hundreds of stages across the country, including those at The Laugh Factory, The World Famous Comedy Store and dozens of Improvs.

Tommy has had the pleasure of emceeing events for amazing clients such as Budweiser, Mitsubishi, Chase, Discovery, Animal Planet in front of thousands of people at events like the Super Bowl, X Games, U.S. Open, Little League World Series.