Murder hornets. They’re called fucking murder hornets and, if reports are to be believed, they are making their way into America from Japan.
Technically, these beasts are called Asian giant hornets and they kill up to 50 people a year in Japan. They have recently arrived in the United States to wreak havoc on our honeybees…and our sanity. A local beekeeper recently went to check on his hive, only to discover that all of his bees, thousands of them, were dead. Their heads had been ripped off by murder hornets. The Washington State Department of Agriculture has verified four separate sightings and they are working hard to “trap” the little devils before they are able to reproduce and take over the world.
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“This is our window to keep it from establishing,” Chris Looney, an entomologist at WSDA recently told the New York Times. “If we can’t do it in the next couple of years, it probably can’t be done.”
Surprisingly, President Trump hasn’t passed this off as a Democratic scam yet, but it’s sure to only be a matter of time.
Those who know say that a sting from one of these little bastards is extremely painful and full of neurotoxins. Whether somebody is allergic to hornets are not, multiple stings could kill you. And as we know, hornets differ from bees because when a bee stings you, it loses its stinger and dies. But when a hornet stings you, it just keeps doing it until you become Thomas J from My Girl.
A YouTube personality named Coyote Peterson uploaded a video of himself getting stung, and it hurts just to watch.
So, that’s awesome. As if 2020 needed any more fuckery, God decided to send us murder hornets. These really are end times. We’ve already had the plague (COVID-19), the beast (Trump), false prophets (anybody that works for Trump), earthquakes, famine, and now swarms of locusts. If Jesus is gonna come back, can He just do it already? Most of us would rather live in heaven, hell, or even purgatory than face murder hornets.
Cover Photo: Nicolas Reusens (Getty Images)
Not the bees: Police Attacked by Thousands of Bees, Not the Sting They Were Planning For
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