As if living on a forced vacation and eating nothing but Top Ramen for the past 15 months wasn’t bad enough, airports are looking to add insult to injury by requiring passengers to be weighed at the airport.
While air travel has always been little more than loading cattle onto a plane, the new weight system is taking things to a whole new level. The FAA outlined the proposal in the hopes of gathering more accurate information on the average weight of passengers. Rightly so, they suspect mile-high obesity rates have skewed the data planes use to safely estimate their cargo weight.
OK, sure. So we may be packing some extra baggage. But no one wants to partake in the airport’s version of The Biggest Loser. Thankfully, selected travelers will have the option to decline boarding a scale but will still be asked to tell personnel their weight before adding ten pounds of reality.
Wisely, the FAA is already bracing itself for heavy resistance. Despite the weight balance of planes being a huge safety issue, most people simply don’t want to divulge the particulars of their weight before a live studio audience.
Airlines could try bribing people to participate in the survey, offering discounts and free upgrades to willing participants. But since hell hasn’t quite frozen over yet, airlines are not likely to part with any profits to find out exactly how many Covid chins we’ve packed on.
But don’t worry, the FAA has a backup plan. In case this round of data collection doesn’t go as planned, airlines will go ahead and add 20 pounds (including carry-on) to the current average for men, raising our weight class from 170 to 190 pounds. (Sounds about right.)
Women, on the other hand, are getting completely different treatment. For the ladies, the FAA has decided to tack on an unsavory 34 pounds. Damn. We’re not sure if they realize this yet, but whether or not the FAA follows through on this initiative, they’re about to get a jumbo jet full of angry letters.
Cover Photo: Prasit photo (Getty Images)
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