Meanwhile in Missouri: Infamous Gun-Toting Couple Give Up Firearms in Exchange For Jail Time, What Will They Give Their Grandkids to Play With Now?

Sometimes loving guns too much can be a bad thing. Just look at the infamous Missouri gun-toting couple Mark and Patricia McCloskey, whose unfortunate life choices led to a Sophie’s Choice moment between freedom and guns.

You might remember this St. Louis power couple from their appearance at a George Floyd protest last year after the McCloskey’s took aim at marchers passing through their elite, aptly named Kingshighway neighborhood. Protestors were on their way to the Mayor’s house when Mark and Pat decided to self-defend in the most aggressive way possible.

Video of the incident looked bad for the McCloskey’s and helped prove they were wrong to aim a loaded weapon at fellow Americans exercising their First Amendment rights (which if our math is correct, comes before the Second Amendment).

Despite a Grand jury indicting the McCloskey’s on felony charges, a new prosecutor who took over the case after the previous one was removed for using the case in election emails, reduced the charges to a misdemeanor.

In exchange for taking the plea deal, the McCloskey’s will now avoid jail time and will be able to continue practicing personal injury law, which of course, is the most respectable form of jurisprudence.

In exchange for their softball plea deal, the McCloskey’s have agreed to give up their firearms, leading one genius Twitter user (and good Samaritan) to solve the problem of what they would leave to their grandkids.

This couple was pointing guns at protesters in #StLouis so I replaced them with dildos. pic.twitter.com/upZMAISMo9

— Shahak Shapira (@ShahakShapira) June 29, 2020

As for what the future holds, Mark and Pat have become heroes in the New Republican circus. The St. Louisans quickly lapped up GOP speaking appearances, with Mark announcing his run for Missouri state Senate in May, all based on the notoriety they’ve garnered from their mishandling of this situation (which makes them perfect for government, obviously).

In fact, the gun-toting incident is so intertwined with Mark’s enhanced sense of manhood, he’s even using images from his crimes in his campaign ads. We don’t yet know what Missouri voters think of Mark’s campaign photos. But for us, when we look at these images, all we can think is: Boy did Bonnie and Clyde age really badly.

Cover Photo: Handout (Getty Images)

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