If you’ve been in the market for a new car lately, you may have noticed something odd about the prices. They’ve gone higher than Charlie Sheen at a children’s birthday party. Thanks to Covid-19 disrupting silicon supply chains, global auto production decreased by 20 percent last year resulting in a market price gouge that’s inflating the value of anything on four wheels, especially cars.
Advertised prices are no longer honored at dealerships, where market shortage price-ups are currently hovering around $6,000. Today, even a Toyota Rav4 with a trim package ripped straight out of a Motel 6 will cost you what a Lexus 450h cost in the before-time when masks were for bank robbers and no human had ever uttered the phrase social distancing.
Meanwhile, scrolling the endless used car lot of the internet turned up a 2003 Acura some dude was trying to pawn off for $33,000. It’s like runaway capitalism hopped into a sporty crossover and punched it down the interstate.
Which brings us to your shitty Nissan Sentra.
What better time to make a killing off arguably the worst car ever made than right now, when Americans are feeling down and out from the ongoing pandemic and need a car to drive them to the cheapest bar and back? According to Edmund’s, you can get upwards of $8,000 for your 2010 Sentra, despite the large stain in the passenger seat from the time you wore a Cubs hat to a White Sox game and ordered a hotdog.
While now is undoubtedly a great time to get rid of your ugly Sentra, the word on the street is that sand, a major ingredient in just about everything we build (including semiconductors), is slowly running out. With sand at a premium, the price of computer chips will continue to climb, meaning someday your parent’s used Sentra will almost be worth enough to buy you a new smartphone. Now that’s investment advice you can bank on.
Cover Photo: JGI/Jamie Grill (Getty Images)
Visit the Mandatory Shop for great deals on your very own Mandatory merch.
Follow Mandatory on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
Weird News 9.20.21
-
OnlyFans Model Claims She Can’t Get a Normal Job Because She’s ‘So Hot’ (You Be the Judge)
-
Meanwhile in Texas: Pro-life Website Created to Snitch on Women Bombarded By Furry Porn Spam (Finally, A Good Use For the Internet)
-
Meanwhile in Airports: Woman Goes Through Security Wearing Nothing But Mask and Bikini Brings New Level to Flying Friendly Skies
-
Meanwhile in India: Man Dies After Gluing His Penis Hole Shut, And Now Our Worst Nightmares Are Real
-
Man Who Married Sex Doll Cheats on It With Ashtray, Doll Technically Entitled to Half His Cheeto Crumbs and Stolen Underwear
-
Meanwhile in Florida: Naked Woman Driving Golf Cart Through Police Standoff Quickly Defuses Situation, How Long Til They Hire Her?
-
Meanwhile in Maryland: Man Stabs Woman in Butt With Semen-Filled Syringe, Someone Needs a Refresher on the Birds and the Bees (Video)
-
Watch Pilot Dario Acosta Set a World Record For Flying Inside This Architectural Marvel
-
Meanwhile in Florida: Super Mom Holds Teen So Her Kid Could Beat Him Up, Nice Little Mother-Son Afternoon
-
Meanwhile in China: Government Limits Online Video Games to Just 3 Hours a Week (But Porn’s Still Safe, Right?)