51 Percent Jump In Alaskan Gonorrhea Cases Deemed 'Kind Of Alarming'

Health Officials Think Alaska’s 51 Percent Jump In New Gonorrhea Cases Is ‘Kind Of Alarming’

Arrow of orange antibiotic capsules indicates word STDs. Photo: Shidlovski (Getty)

When it comes to pretty much anything, 51 percent is a lot.

If I lose 51 percent of my fingers, it means either I’m walking around with a stump or going to have trouble eating popcorn if the loss affects both of my hands. If I get a base hit 51 percent of the time I step up to plate, I’m going to be the greatest hitter who has ever played the game of baseball. And if I see a 51 percent jump in my checking account, it means I’m stoked about now having $151 to my name.

Basically, 51 percent is actually quite profound. Well, unless you’re working for the Alaska Department of Health and Social Services.

stds, alaska gonorrhea — Bacteria gonococcus or meningococcus. Photo: Dr_Microbe (Getty)

According to the Anchorage Daily News, HIV and STD Program Manager Susan Jones said it was just “kind of alarming” that new cases of gonorrhea in her state have skyrocketed some 51 percent. That’s on top of Alaska ranking first for the highest rate of chlamydia in the country every year since 2001. Tack that onto an uptick in syphilis, with the state already “recording more cases in 2018 than in all of last year.”

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Granted, only about 12 or 13 people call Alaska home, so it’s not as drastic as it would be if the state of California reported the same numbers. Still, taking something other than a “kind of alarming” approach to the matter seems long overdue.

So there you have it, guys. If you’re going to Alaska, wrap it up. Twice.

Tommy Gimler is a stand-up comedian, musician, writer, emcee and all-around good guy. He has worked hundreds of stages across the country, including those at The Laugh Factory, The World Famous Comedy Store and dozens of Improvs.

Tommy has had the pleasure of emceeing events for amazing clients such as Budweiser, Mitsubishi, Chase, Discovery, Animal Planet in front of thousands of people at events like the Super Bowl, X Games, U.S. Open, Little League World Series.