Government officials and corporate media outlets have lied to us all our lives. For example, they said Iraq had weapons of mass destruction. Likewise, they claimed handing out giant piles of cash to corrupt financial institutions would help everyday Americans. They even argued millennials are poor because they like avocado toast. Now the years of disinformation and domestic psyops are blowing back in a big way. Instead of sheltering in place, some people keep living their lives as if there’s not a coronavirus pandemic crippling the entire freakin’ world. The Twitterati has dubbed them “covidiots.”
What is a covidiot? Some define it as a person who ignores social distancing protocols and helps spread COVID-19. Others point to those building unnecessarily gigantic toilet paper castles in their bunkers. And a third camp thinks of it a bit like that old Jeff Foxworthy joke, the one that goes, “You might be a redneck if…” In this list, we explore 10 indications that you might be a covidiot.
Cover Photo: Sean Murphy (Getty Images)
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What Is a ‘Covidiot’ and How to Know If You Are One (And What to Do If You Are)
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You partied at the beach on spring break.
Brady Sluder went viral — pun intended — for his comments to Reuters about not letting the global pandemic harsh his spring break partying. This is very clearly covidiot behavior, but he did later apologize, so at least we know even covidiots can learn from their mistakes.
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You've stockpiled unnecessarily large amounts of toilet paper.
According to howmuchtoiletpaper.com, a pack of 12 mega rolls will last 128 days for a household of two people dropping the kids off at the pool four times daily. If you’re too dumb to do the math, try this simple plan: buy one pack of toilet paper, use it, and repeat.
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You've shared dubbies with strangers in public.
Spring breakers sharing marijuana cigarettes with random people in public is so dumb that it’s almost beyond covidiot status. First off, young people can catch or even die from COVID-19, but secondly, how can you know that weirdly too-old guy in the group isn’t actually an undercover cop?
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You don't cover your mouth when you cough in public.
We may not be able to shake hands anymore, but at least we can cover our mouths when we cough, preferably Dracula-style. If you’re brazenly coughing up a storm in a grocery store without covering your mouth, you may not just be a covidiot, you might be a bio-terrorist jerk face.
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You went on a pub crawl for St. Patty’s Day.
While bars have been forcibly closed in many states, some let local watering holes stay open, exposing those governors as covidiots. Thankfully, people are not all as dumb as their governments, though a few alcoholic covidiots proved fearless and stupid can be the same thing by going out on St. Patty’s Day.
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You panic-bought bottled water.
Panic buying individually packaged water bottles is totally covidiotic. Not only will the plastic slowly poison you, but a pandemic isn’t a hurricane, and tap water is unlikely to be impacted at all.
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You lecture other people about being responsible about health while being really unhealthy.
If you don’t exercise and eat a healthy diet, then you’ve been a covidiot long before smarmy reporters coined the insult. If you are such a covidiot, stop lecturing other covidiots and start taking care of yourself, because not doing so is a risk to everyone, not just your lazy butt.
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You criticize people for violating the lockdown while violating the lockdown yourself.
Partying on the beach during this pandemic is stupid, but the people outside taking pictures of these spring breakers in order to criticize them is equally worthy of covidiot status. The only thing worse than a covidiot is a hypocritical covidiot.
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You lick airplane toilet seats.
This one sort of feels like it goes without saying, but licking toilet seats is never a good idea, most especially during a global pandemic. Luckily, these covidiots are going to take care of themselves, as several have already contracted COVID-19, which is karmic justice but also not surprising at all.
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You believe things will eventually go back to 'normal.'
The COVID-19 pandemic has changed our world forever. Only a covidiot would believe things can ever go back to “normal,” but hopefully we can emerge from the ordeal with a greater sense of compassion.
