outhouse

If a Woman Falls Into an Outhouse in the Forest, It Still Makes a (Shitty) Sound

For anyone who has taken courses in philosophy, you probably know the old chestnut about a tree falling down in the woods, right? The answer typically hinges on what is considered a sound.  We are far more interested in if a shitty sound is made if a woman falls into an outhouse in the forest.

A California woman was recently rescued by the local Washington State Fire Department and Rescue after falling into a vault toilet when trying to recover her cell phone inside it, according to the Kitsap Sun.

According to the fire department, she disassembled the toilet seat and used dog leashes to try and get the phone. Eventually, she used the leashes to tie herself off as she reached for it. However, the MacGyver effort failed and she ultimately fell into the toilet head first.

“They didn’t work very well and in she went,” said an official on the scene.

One can say the woman gives a whole new poignant meaning to the poop emoji.

She was washed down and “strongly encouraged to seek medical attention after being exposed to human waste, but she only wanted to leave,” the department said. Wait, so the woman swan dives into a heap of toxic feces, grabs the poop-covered phone, and just takes off like this were a normal and everyday thing?

If this story teaches our phone-addicted society anything, it’s that we might want to go back to reading good old-fashioned books when doing No. 2. That or maybe hold off on posting the same photo of yourself eating a salad on Instagram until you finish your business.

However many sanitary wipes were used on the phone, one truly has to wonder how this woman can continue using the cell phone knowing the little journey it had.

Cover Photo: Jenny Elia Pfeiffer (Getty Images)
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