Header Photo: LEON NEAL/AFP / @imfrickinmarc (Twitter)
Another week, another batch of the funniest tweets collected for your viewing pleasure. Give them a read, and remember to follow these fine folks on Twitter. They’re not just putting their hilarious thoughts out there for their health, after all. Plus, if you’re just going to wind up repeating these jokes to your friends and passing them off as your own, the least you can do is throw a little admiration their way. It’s only fair.
Follow @Mandatory on Twitter.
Funny Tweets 6-29-18
me: did u catch the rock vs scissors fight
friend: no what channel was it on
me: [turns to camera] paper view
— elv (@_ElvishPresley_) June 29, 2018
7 year old kids today: iphones and ipads
Me when I was 7: pic.twitter.com/LuaQmQWMms
— rae || support amatw!!! (@purelysteve) June 20, 2018
Me: *Holding gun* I can’t tell who’s the real one. Tell me something only Gary would know
Gary 1: You have a fetish for-
*BLAM BLAM BLAM*
Me: Welp, that’s that. Let’s go, New Gary
— Adam (@Browtweaten) June 5, 2018
when you look over at your mom during your 3rd grade choir concert pic.twitter.com/nT0TORu79G
— Alexis Novak (@AlexisGirlNovak) June 22, 2018
yes sex is good but have you tried running late for a meeting and, as youre about to text an apology, they themselves message to say they will be late
— Alex Kealy (@alexkealy) June 5, 2018
Well it was a nice lake day until my dog nearly drowned my sister pic.twitter.com/ttBMcrM4cA
— Holly M (@Holly_Monson) June 8, 2018
Damn, Nintendo DS handbag kinda thicc pic.twitter.com/2aK5cXbcCN
— Masahiro Sakurai (@SmashBros_Nin) June 23, 2018
Gonna tell my daughter that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
— Glen Quagmire (@Bling021) October 19, 2017
when you ask for the wifi password pic.twitter.com/aAg5Hc5az1
— Glenn Kitson (@Glenn_Kitson) June 25, 2018
Turns out the cream I’ve been putting in my coffee each morning that I brought home from Africa has an alcohol content of 17% .. no wonder I’ve been having such great days lately
— Megan O’Brien (@Megan_OBrienn) June 6, 2018
More from this week in Twitter: Artist Threatens Elon Musk With Lawsuit After Stealing ‘Farting Unicorn’
Take a shower??? Oh… do you mean GET PISSED ON BY MY OWN HOUSE??? No thanks.
— Alex Watt (@AlexanderWatt) June 21, 2017
Hey @FamilyVideo, next time you send your goons out here make sure they finish the job. pic.twitter.com/eLgqRTYtTl
— The Last Blockbuster (@loneblockbuster) June 25, 2018
The most important thing I’ve learned in life, and I can’t stress this enough: you gotta make a salad in a bigger bowl than you think
— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) May 14, 2018
ME: does Spider-Man’s dick shoot webs?
WAITER: I meant any questions about the menu— Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) June 9, 2018
RT KatyWellhousen: “Don’t be happy, worry,” is my personal motto honestly pic.twitter.com/ndf95ZSEBD
— Simon Phoenix (@SimonPh68350166) June 19, 2018
This little girl in the restaurant, maybe five, tugs on her dads jacket & complains about being cold & he says “Well damn, Jackie, I can’t control the weather”.. His wife hit him & said “For the last time, we didn’t name her that so you could reference That 70’s Show”
— gracie (@gn_money) June 19, 2018
— celine dion fan (@oldlinds) June 19, 2018
If you propose/get engaged at my wedding I will announce I’m pregnant at your baby shower & die at your funeral try me. https://t.co/kmCHgxWZDE
— JOCELYN THOMPSON (@Jocelyn_Desiree) May 8, 2018
Since 4th of July is on a Wednesday do we drink the weekend before? The weekend afer? That wednesday? The entire week? The entire month? The entire year?
— Marv (@imfrickinmarc) June 12, 2018
kim saw the way kanye was looking at rihanna and had to end that snap REAL quick pic.twitter.com/SD7WXM9lNR
— (@fentyy) June 28, 2018
