Lying to children. It’s an annual holiday tradition for parents all over the globe. Every year, parents tell straight-faced whoppers about a bearded, big-bellied dude named Santa Claus who flies around the world delivering presents to children. Never mind that this would be logistically impossible and definitely improbable. Everyone wants to believe in the magic of Ol’ Saint Nick.
Well, this year, the festive fib about Kris Kringle is getting even more elaborate. That’s because Dr. Fauci, aka the man Americans stan for his straightforward, science-based advice on coronavirus, is telling children that Santa is immune to COVID-19.
“Santa is exempt from this because Santa, of all the good qualities, has a lot of good innate immunity,” Dr. Fauci told USA Today.
Now, we don’t endorse dishonesty, especially when it comes to coronavirus (though our president seems to have no problems with it at all). But this is one little untruth that we can get behind. We have to, if only for our mental health.
“Santa is not going to be spreading any infections to anybody,” Dr. Fauci continued.
Yes, children, you can feel confident that when Santa Claus comes to town, he won’t be bringing a deadly virus with him. Go ahead, put out the cookies and milk (in fact, Santa needs those high-carb calories more than ever this year). Rest assured there will be no trail of infectious droplets left behind when Santa disappears into the night through the chimney.
We’re starting to wonder if Dr. Fauci himself isn’t some kind of Santa incarnation. The guy is just so gosh-darn nice for someone who has to confront the worst pandemic any of us have ever seen on a daily basis. If Dr. Fauci were secretly Father Christmas, there’s only one thing we’d ask for this year: a COVID-19 vaccine for everyone, all over the world, whether they want it or not.
Cover Photo: Jeronimo Granadal Ruiz (Getty Images)
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