Canadians are known for being the most polite people on earth. Unless you happen to interrupt their flow when nature’s calling. This is precisely what sent tennis pro, Denis Shapovalov, into a dry rage during the first round of the Australian Open. Not since the days of John McEnroe has the tennis world seen such a sudden outburst on the court, as Shapovalov’s weak bladder was denied sweet relief.
After losing the fourth set against Jannik Sinner, the 21-year-old (and 12th ranked Canadian) politely asked to be excused for a quick bathroom break. The umpire, giddily enforcing the Byzantine rule of a three-bathroom-break limit (which Shapovalov had already pissed away) refused to make an exception. With pressure mounting, Shapovalov lost his head.
“I’m going to piss my pants!” he proclaimed. “I’m going to piss in a bottle!”
Calling Shapovalov’s bluff, the large-bladdered chair umpire Nico Helwerth quietly shook his head, unable to hide the smirk forming on his face.
With no choice but to clench and finish the match, on he played. Shapovalov (perhaps doing an angry pee dance), wowed the audience with his urgent attack of the net and won the fifth and final set handily. Though it was well past midnight, the crowd unleashed a deluge of applause.
Following the match, Shapovalov stood up for men with small bladders everywhere as he poured his heart out into a nearby urinal. Then, speaking to reporters over his shoulder, he said what weak-vesicled men everywhere have been longing to hear.
“I do think it’s a dumb rule. Especially for me, I’ve got the smallest bladder ever, so I literally got to take a piss every set. So it’s difficult, especially when you’re on that court for so long.”
But will tennis authorities take heed of this brave man’s fair warning and change their discriminatory rule to allow those with small bladders to enjoy the same level of decency and respect as everyone else? One thing’s for sure, they’ll never piss off a Canadian again.
Cover Photo: Mark Metcalfe (Getty Images)
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