Remember when Dick Cheney shot that guy in the face during a “hunting accident” back in 2006? Well, if anyone had doubts about what lengths Joe Biden would go to protect his love of democracy, his iron-fisted tactics just spoke volumes. White House press secretary Jen Psaki confirmed a recent “incident” inside the presidential mansion involving First Dog Major and an unknown victim.
After the attack, which resulted in “minor injuries” both German shepherds were transferred to Biden’s house in Delaware for a “previously scheduled” visit. But as members inside the intelligence community may tell you, this move is the classic decompression phase after a political target has been neutralized.
Sources first reported a security guard may have been involved in the incident, as personnel sweeps have reached an all-time high following the Jan. 6 Capitol riots. As for 3-year-old rescue pup Major, we hope America will once again call him a “good boy” after the dust settles and the truth comes to light on his recent doggy actions.
Psaki would not confirm the identity of the victim, though many speculate she knows exactly where all the bones are buried. When asked if Major would not be euthanized, she hesitated for just a moment before saying:
“Well, certainly, Major Biden is a member of the family, so I can assure you that.” She went on to add, “Today’s a good day for the cat. I don’t have any update on the cat. We know the cat will break the internet, but I don’t have any update on its status,” she said.
Well played, Psaki. We’re looking forward to seeing what the cat does when it’s his turn to defend democracy.
Cover Photo: The Washington Post (Getty Images)
Seth Rogen: Famous Toker Launches Weed Houseplant Brand
TikTok: Snow-Loving Husky Refuses To Come Inside
Visit the Mandatory Shop for great deals on your very own Mandatory merch.
Follow Mandatory on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
Weird News 2.28.2021
-
Vegan Swears by ‘Semen Smoothies’ to Keep COVID Away
-
Full-Facial Hot-Waxes Are Newest TikTok Grooming Trend (We Have The Videos To Prove It)
-
Meanwhile in Colombia: Teenaged Girl Fights Off 3 Armed Robbers With Machete, Slashes Her Way Into Our Hearts
-
Half-Naked Ice Skater Goes Viral After Falling Through Ice (Shrinkage Is Mother Nature’s Greatest Revenge)
-
Instagram Model Goes Viral For Flashing Her Ass All Over New York, God Bless America
-
Meanwhile in Oregon: Brewery Recalls Beer With Potentially Explosive Cans, A New Kind of Punch Drunk
-
Congratulations? New Dad Runs Off With Girlfriend’s Mom, Takes ‘Family Man’ to a Whole New World
-
Elon Musk Changes Twitter Avatar to Picture of Fork in the Road, And Now the Internet Is Having a Panic Attack (Another One)
-
Meanwhile in New Jersey: Landmark Trump Casino Demolished In Fiery Explosion, A Sign 2021 Will Be A Good Year
-
Kim Kardashian Shouts At the Internet For Trolling Her Daughter’s Oil Painting
-
Meanwhile in Portland: Police Guard Dumpster Against Hungry Crowd, Sparks Curiosity As to How Those Stimulus Checks Are Going
-
Meanwhile in Texas: Amber Alert Mistakenly Used For Possessed Doll