farting scientists
Five Turopolje piglets seen from behind, their tail being well visible, while suckling from their mother

Scientists Working to Make Lab Animals ‘Breathe’ From Their Rectums (It’s Called Farting, Just Say Farting)

We here at Mandatory love science. It’s done so much good for humanity (hello, the Covid vaccine). On the other hand, scientists are also known for wasting time and resources on truly stupid experiments and studies. The latest ridiculous waste of resources by the scientific community involves animals’ assholes and a glorified form of farting.

Japanese scientists have apparently perfected a technique that allows rodents to “breathe” out of their buttholes. The recently-published study explains how enemas of oxygen-carrying liquid can help oxygen-deprived animals respirate. This approach offers a promising alternative to ventilators, which aren’t always available or don’t always work for people with severe lung disease.

So Dr. Takanori Takebe, whose father struggled with lung disease, basically reverse-engineered a fart. He anesthetized mice, scraped their intestines, and pumped oxygen in through their rectums. Then he squirted oxygen-rich liquid up the butts of both pigs and mice. This procedure appeared to cure the animals’ hypoxia (oxygen deprivation). Takebe told the New York Times he was “astonished” by the results.

As for this strange method’s transferability to humans? It’s unclear at this point. Takebe didn’t use humans for the study because the procedure was deemed “too painful.” We also can’t imagine anyone signing up for an air enema (ouch!) no matter how dire their health.

Can’t we just let mouths breathe and rectums fart, the old-fashioned way? After all, if we start swapping body parts’ functions, what’s next? Eating out your asshole? (*shudder*)

Cover Photo: (Getty Images)

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