Meanwhile in China: Constipated Man Attempts Curing the Runs by Putting Live Eel Up His Ass and Almost Dies, A Nursery Rhyme Old as Time

There once was an old lady who lived in a shoe, her husband got constipated and didn’t know what to do. However, he certainly didn’t put a live eel up his bum to stop it. That’s because nobody should put anything alive inside their bootypocket unless they’re a trained professional. Unfortunately, a Chinese man suffering from constipation hadn’t heard our warning and…