Crows are nature’s mistake. Seriously, why do these ugly, screeching birds exist? All they do is shit on everything – literally. A suburban town in northern California is being reminded of this daily as 1,000 crows recently descended and started letting their bowels loose all over the place.
Sunnyvale (which might want to reconsider its name after this debacle) is struggling to rid itself of the winged beasts.
“The streets are basically riddled with crow poo,” Mayor Larry Klein told the New York Times of the birds, who emerge at night to misbehave.
“I’ll go inside unless I’m under an umbrella,” resident Frank Hampton told CNN. “The city has tried everything to get the birds to find a new spot, but all success has been short lived.”
The latest attempt to rid the city of crows is to hire three city workers to beam lasers and blare sounds into the sky to disorient the birds and prevent them from making their nests there.
“The biggest thing is to harass them enough so a large percentage of them find new homes,” Klein said.
Vice Mayor Alysa Cisneros suggested that the town launch a “crow festival” if the flock won’t flee. Residents agreed – over 87 percent of those who responded to a Twitter poll said they’d attend such an event.
It was just suggested to me that if we can’t actually make the crows leave, that Sunnyvale start having an annual crow festival. Would you come?
— Vice Mayor Alysa Cisneros (@AlysaCisneros) January 17, 2022
We have an even better idea: the city should trademark this disaster and make a kick-ass VR video game out of it. We can already predict we’d get addicted to it.
Cover Photo: Dragan Todorovic (Getty Images)
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