Benjamin Schreiber, 66, is currently trying to prove that his life sentence has been served since he technically “died” while being treated at a hospital for kidney stones. Allegedly, Schreiber’s heart stopped five times during the surgery (we totally get it; kidney stones absolutely feel like death) and, since he had signed a “do not resuscitate” agreement years earlier, he was operating under the belief that if he died and came back to life, whether through magic, medicine, or the Lazarus Pit, his life sentence had, technically, been served.
Unfortunately for our innovative friend, the court of appeals did not agree, stating, in no uncertain terms, that “Schreiber is either alive, in which case he must remain in prison, or he is dead, in which case this appeal is moot.” Seems pretty cut and dried to us. Still, we hope that if the man ever dies and comes back in another life, he does so as a lawyer.
Cover Photo: Ken Kaminesky (Getty Images)
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