Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s…our friend Florida Man hanging from a traffic light and pooping on cars. Yes, in a surprise to nobody, a Florida man named Roy Stern was recently apprehended, after he reportedly climbed a Miami traffic light, dropped trou and defecated on cars passing below. Both police and the fire department were called the scene, and a ladder was used to bring the man back down to the ground, but only after they made him use hand sanitizer. Authorities state that the man was high on crystal meth and marijuana at the time, which just makes the story even more incredible because when we smoke weed, the last thing we want to do is any sort of physical activity. Still, the fact that Stern was able to climb the light, single-handedly remove his trousers and literally take a shit on Miami is quite the feat. We get performance anxiety simply standing next to someone else at the urinal, so our hat is off to Mr. Stern. Hopefully, he doesn’t poop in it.
Cover Photo: Huzler.com
Privacy settings: Charmin’s Pooptime Pal Robot Is the TP Retriever Pet Voted Most Likely to Record You at Your Worst This Year
Meanwhile in Florida:
Work of (f)art: There’s a Museum Dedicated to Poop and It Promises a Crappy Time
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Meanwhile in Florida 1/12/20
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Meanwhile In Florida: Dog Hijacks Car and Does Donuts For Over an Hour (Another Holiday Miracle!)
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Meanwhile in Florida: Overly-Eager Holiday Lover Sits Atop Family’s Roof in Nothing But Underwear, Christmas Drills in Progress
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Meanwhile in Florida: Police Ask Man to Quit Calling About His Stolen Weed
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Meanwhile in Florida: Man Pulls Machete After Getting Rejected for Date (Imagine What He Does When He Gets Cheated On)
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Meanwhile in Florida: Woman ‘Accidentally’ Gifts Semi-Automatic Rifle at Baby Shower, Completely Blows Away Karen’s Baby Yoga Mat
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Meanwhile in Florida: Man Loses Card Game, Sets Winner’s Car on Fire With Him Inside (As You Do)
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Meanwhile in Florida: Naked Man Steals Car From Valet, Wasn’t Planning on Leather Seats
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Meanwhile in Florida: Man Arrested After Having Sex With Stuffed Animals In Target; Expected More, Paid Less
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Meanwhile in Florida: Warehouse Worker Crashes Forklift, Smashes Window, Gets Naked (Not Necessarily in That Order)
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Meanwhile in Florida: Fisherman Believes He Was Sexually Assaulted by Mermaid, Most Likely an Instagram Influencer
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Meanwhile in Florida: Mom Leaves Kids on Bus to Smoke Weed, Alternative Parenting Style Denied
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Meanwhile in Florida: Bus Evacuated After Teen Hot-Boxes It With Axe Body Spray, Coins New Term ‘Douchebus’