If you’re anything like us, you’re officially bored to death in dire need of funny tweets. To celebrate a truly Good Friday (and surviving the endless madness of coronavirus quarantine), we’ve got a new collection for you below. If you missed our last Tweets of the Week, you missed a lot, but this week’s proper lockdown included the continuation of the social-distancing saga, the start of a Bernie-free lifestyle and National Siblings Day, along with Jeffrey Epstein definitely not killing himself. As always, we’re here if you need us. Now catch up on all the Twitter insanity here, then, of course, follow us on Twitter or our name isn’t @Mandatory.
Day 21 of quarantine. This oughta do the trick! pic.twitter.com/nA8yjipufm
— Lynda Carter (@RealLyndaCarter) April 9, 2020
hey @realDonaldTrump if you want the highest ratings ever just broadcast your fucking resignation
— Sarah Beattie (@nachosarah) April 10, 2020
Me: have u seen tokyo drift?
Friend: no. no spoilers please
Me: i’ve got bad news
— not brendan (@crocodilethumbs) April 9, 2020
ah shit ah fuck we bringing back the curtsy https://t.co/7VVxE3JKGS
— JP (@jpbrammer) April 9, 2020
If only there was something else hotels could do with all those empty rooms to help people out. https://t.co/P4Uyj00Vmt
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) April 9, 2020
Day 18 of lock down. Filled the dog with helium. pic.twitter.com/aiGEkhjwhI
— cluedont (@cluedont) April 8, 2020
bernie in 2 years pic.twitter.com/uEyppDXMbK
— it is 90F outside. no im not spreading the plague (@technidiff) April 8, 2020
girls love it when you wake up at 6pm and play video games until 10 in the morning and eat half a meal a day
— chase (@notchaselyons) April 9, 2020
If you see me tweeting and I have not replied to your email, please understand it is because I do not use my brain when I tweet
— James Zeigler (@jameskzeigler) April 9, 2020
Virtual Outside pic.twitter.com/oZdlt69v0y
— obvious plant (@obviousplant_) April 9, 2020
Day 4,951 do quarantine. Brotha startin to see some shit@ pic.twitter.com/20PnaC6Nxf
— TokenSuperhero (@MarcusTheToken) April 9, 2020
don’t worry i’ve been doing this since birth https://t.co/4MfPcHlQL6
— lucy (@lucymooring) April 8, 2020
every chef right now: Today I’m going to show you how to make something simple with ingredients everyone has in their pantry, since you can’t go to the store. I’m starting with Madagascar vanilla, hemp milk, and a single feather from a dodo bird.
— Sarah Archer (@SarahArcherM) April 3, 2020
— dolphin pilot (@TheAmitie) April 8, 2020
My apologies in advance as I present to you: Matilda Swinton pic.twitter.com/4fIe03XmbX
— Shelby Wolstein (@ShelbyWolstein) April 8, 2020
Aww, so cute! Some local children made this for all of the doctors in my hospital pic.twitter.com/OPeP4iVRe6
— Héloïse (@He10ise) April 7, 2020
2020 sounded like the most futuristic year and now we’re all like “I traded my neighbor a handkerchief for some carrots”
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) April 10, 2020
Sibling rivalry at its finest. #NationalSiblingsDay pic.twitter.com/aWThdqIZvm
— Thor (@thorofficial) April 10, 2020
Young American Forced to Find Hobby Without Sports, Travel and Work Weighing Him Down
‘TMNT’ Movie Turns 30: Meet ‘Middle-Aged Millennial Ninja Turtles’
Weird News 3-12-2020
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Calvin Klein Releases Gender Neutral Fragrance, Likely Smells Like Water and Conformity
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Photo Credit: Calvin Klein
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New ‘All the Streams’ Lets Cheapskates Watch Streaming Services For Free (Like Watching Cable at Your Parents’)
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Photo Credit: shironosov (Getty Images)
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Shame Cone is the Latest Coronavirus Prevention Product (For You, Not the Dog)
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Photo Credit: globalmoments (Getty Images)
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Pearl Necklaces (Not That Kind) Are Quickly Becoming the Must-Have Accessory for Men in 2020
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Photo Credit: Nathan Congleton/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank (Getty Images)
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Joaquin Phoenix About to Marry Fiancee Rooney Mara, Wedding Goers Just Glad the Groom Isn’t Expected to Give Speech
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Photo Credit: Pascal Le Segretain / Staff (Getty Images)
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Coronavirus Porn Is the Latest Guilty Pleasure, Quaran-Teens in Your Area (Legal Ones, Of Course)
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Photo Credit: Fuse (Getty Images)
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Toilet Paper Alternatives to Cover Your Ass During the Coronavirus Panic
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Photo Credit: Darren Fast (Getty Images)
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Everything Coronavirus Has Ruined So Far
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Photo Credit: mediaphotos (Getty Images)
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Adrien Brody Dating Harvey Weinstein’s Ex-Wife, Likely Preparing for Role in Horror Show With Boobytraps
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Photo Credit: Drew Altizer Photography (Shutterstock), Dave Benett (Getty Images)
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Police Chief Stripped of Duties, Decides to Strip His Clothing As Well
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Photo Credit: John Summer (Getty Images)
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Meanwhile in Florida: Monkeys Have Their Own Virus to Contend With, Incidentally They Know More About It Than Mike Pence Does About Ours
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Photo Credit: Jeremy Woodhouse (Getty Images)
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Hand Sanitizer Prices Skyrocket Amid Coronavirus, Our Cheap DIY Suggestions to Avoid Getting Scammed
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Photo Credit: matspersson0 (Getty Images)
